How do you deal with finicky eaters who will eat 2 bites and want to be done? Or those who refuse to even taste it because they’ve never eaten it before? Do you head into battle and make them eat? (If so, how do you accomplish that???) Or do you let them eat whatever they’ll eat and let them get down? If so, do you give them food later when they ask? Wait until the next meal?
We’re really looking for some suggestions here. Our 4 yo has foods she just really refuses to eat (rice, cooked veggies, oatmeal, etc). I sympathize with her because I was a picky eater growing up and had issues with texture. Sometimes she’ll say she doesn’t want to eat foods that we know she likes (or will like when she tries them). We either persuade her to eat by alternating us feeding her a bite and her feeding herself, or telling her how many bites she has left. Those little antics seem to help her clear her plate most of the time.
Our 2 yo is pretty much the opposite. He’ll try anything and likes most things, but we struggle to get him to sit at the table for more than 2 bites. (Not exaggerating.) He wants to get down and play. He refuses to open his mouth if we try to give him more food. As of the past two nights, my husband has been able to get 2 yo to eat sometimes 6 bites (*gasp*) and even nearly clear his plate by telling him that the bites will help him grow big and strong. Upon hearing that, he shows us his muscles and shoves a bite in his mouth. I think he’s tiring of that “trick” though.
If the kids don’t finish the food on their plates at mealtimes, then they don’t get any food until the next meal. Sometimes that helps them scarf down food, sometimes it doesn’t.
We’ve tried not to make the dinner table a battle zone because we want to enjoy the time there as a family. What do you do? Do you make sure the kids eat everything on their plates? Do you have any tricks to get them to eat?
4 comments:
We have been lucky I think, we have pretty good eaters, all three. But we do have battles! Mostly with manners but that's a different topic. 7 yo loves veggies--her fav red peppers!--and will eat almost anything, 4 yo will eat pretty much whatever is on his plate, he does well. 5yo does pretty well, she has always had a problem with chewing meat, she will chew it til it is literally mush and unrecognizable and still not be able to swallow it. I think it stems back from the reflux problem we had with her from birth where she puked all the time. She has a very very sensitive gag reflex and probably always will. So with her, when we have roast beef or steak or something like that, we cut her pieces very small and give her mostly veggies. But that is about as much as we do, she has to just work through it and do as best she can. She is loads better now at almost 6 but we battled for a long time!
Anyway, we have always had 'No Thank You Bites' meaning they do not have to eat new things, but are made to try them, at least one good bite, not licking the edge of the fork. Also even if I know they don't like it, I will make them eat one bite or every few times we have it, I make the try again just because their tastes change with time. Example, Austyn hates cucumbers in a salad and Courgettes (zuchini) when they are cooked any way but generally they are cut in small pieces and pretty thin. So when we have a salad, she has to have at least one cucumber or if we steam courgettes, she has to have one. She doesn't like it, but she knows she has to do it and does...but then again she is almost 6 so reasoning with her is easier. As far as amounts, we would always try to give them reasonable amounts of food, one spoonful or something like that and if we felt they had eaten the majority and they were 'full' they said, then yes they were allowed to get down and 'be scused' from the table ( or would make them have 3 more bites if they are 3 or whatever). However they also knew (and know now) there was nothing else available to eat (we always eat pretty close to bedtime so no snacks before bed). If they don't eat much but just insist they are done, then we will sometimes leave the food available to them, puting the plate on the kitchen counter, and if they are hungry later they can eat...depends on what it is sometimes though and very seldom do they actually go back and eat it. I have a bit of prob with making kids completely clean their plates, I think it can lead to problems later in life. My dad always felt I should completely clean the plate and hated that my mom didn't make me but I just couldn't do it, my mom can't either. As an adult I rarely clean my plate completely, unless I just didn't get much to start with. People just eat different amounts of food, especially when you go out, portion size is huge!
With the prob with your kiddos Karen....I've known several people that have a problem with texture and they have had the problem since they were very small, often causes a gag reflex so she may never eat those things. With the cooked veggies, try steaming them...if she'll eat them raw, serve them raw instead, or lightly steam them instead of microwave. Could be they are 'mushy' and doesn't like how it feels rather than how it tastes. As much as I've never been much on being a short order cook, i.e. I make one meal and you can take it or leave it. With your 4 yo, you might have to cook some things for her differently to change the texture if that is her issue. Now veggies are important but on the other stuff, is it a big deal really that she won't eat oatmeal or rice? It might be a case of picking your battles...just a thought, it's easy for me to say, I'm not at your dinner table at night.... ;o)
With the 2 yo it may just be a phase he's going through, or just his age, as he gets older you can reason with him easier, like no dessert if you get down or if you don't eat 3 more bites, etc. My 4 yo has lots of energy and bounces around in his seat but has always had to stay at the table at least til the other kids were done.
Wonder if you could give him something to do at the table, like colour a picture, that way he doesn't have to eat but he does have to stay at the table (if his getting down is bothering you). It may then be a good reason to stay at the table if I can't watch TV or play with xx toy then I might as well stay here....just an idea.
ok, this is getting really long sorry....
I have the same problem with the finicky eaters Karen. And, I'm not by any means a good example when it comes to trying new things, or taking bites of things I don't like, or eating my veggies. I have that overly sensitive gag reflex that scrappinmum talked about.....it's horrible. My daughter has it too.
Knowing that I was facing these struggles on more than one front, I talked to our pediatrician, who said some interesting things.....
#1, he said that kids tend to develop picky eating after about the first year of age, and probably as an evolutionary thing.....while we don't have to hunt our food daily and eat berries off the bushes and bugs and stuff, people used to. And, pickiness may actually be an extension of that.....after all, back in the day, it wasn't safe to eat just anything, as some plants and bugs were poisonous. Whatever. Just a theory, but made a little sense when he told me.
#2, he said that eating habits, like not cleaning your plate, change with age, because as the body gets older it needs less food proportionately. For instance, a baby usually triples its birthweight in the first year only by the amount of calories they take in. They need that much to grow--its healthy. But, if we all ate enough calories to triple our weight every year, we'd die from being so obese during childhood. So he said not to worry if she's eating less than she was, or if she doesn't clean her plate anymore. Her body will know how much she needs. It's just my job to keep offering healthy options.
#3 was the most helpful to rest my mind about them getting enough to eat and the right foods. As long as she eats 1 good meal a day (regardless of what it is) and one great meal a week, she's doing just fine. Her body knows how much food she needs. Keep in mind though, that of course kids will eat well if you serve junk food all the time, so the "good meal and great meal" refer to well balanced meals. :)
As far as trying new things, I've heard that it sometimes takes kids up to 15 times of being offered a new food before they'll try it, so persistence pays off. I've also heard differing theories on forcing kids to eat stuff, and heard both success and horror stories about the "No Thank You " helping that scrappinmum talks about. I think its a good idea, and know it's been very successful for some friends of ours, but being that I wouldn't want to try a bite of something that is made from all ingredients I already don't like, I can' t bring myself to make my kids try those things either if they don't want to.
My most effective tactic thus far is to just keep offering new stuff until they find stuff they like. I don't know of anyone who doesn't like a single vegetable, or a single fruit. They'll eat the good stuff if I help them find what they like. I was forced to eat everything as a kid, and it certainly didn't pay off in my case. They seem more likely to try new stuff if they know I wont force them to eat it if they don't like it. And if they don't want to try it, fine. It's not worth the fight to me.
I have also had success in having my oldest help pick out produce and/or help prepare it for the meal. Kids tend to be more open minded to trying stuff they've picked out or help make. Not sure why. We also do weekly trips to the farmer's market in the summer, and each kid gets to pick one new thing that we will try that week. If the kids' don't like it, theres a good chance Dad will eat the rest. :)
Thanks for your advice! We'll have to start trying any and all of those ideas to see what works!
Great question! I have one picky eater and two pretty good eaters. The picky eater had caused me a lot of emotional stress until I just decided I'm going to make a family meal and if he doesn't like it then he doesn't have to eat it and it's his problem. One day something could be good to him and then next day he wants nothing to do with it. I have learned that if he's hungry he will eat. So I try to include at least one thing on the plate that he will probably eat. We don't make him taste everything (if you do enforce that rule- tell me how- because I'd love to have it here!) and if there is a significant amount of food left on the plate we save it and that's what he can eat later if he's hungry. We are consistent so he knows we aren't going to give in and so it doesn't pay for him to make a fuss like he did when we first started the rules.
All three kids sit at the table until everyone is done which we started from the beginning so it has been natural for them to just sit and wait (though we're usually waiting for them because they talk more than they eat!).
I don't stress too much about them not eating. We don't force the kids to eat, but offer them healthy choices and they will eat when they are hungry. One cookbook that made getting good food into them a little more fun for me is The Sneaky Chef.
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