Do you 'allow' your kids to get caught up in the 'make-believe' of the holidays or not? Why? If you do, at what age do you 'tell them the truth' or do you let them figure it out on their own and then make sure you are there to answer the questions that are bound to follow?
I've heard the debate of 'if you lie about Santa why should they believe you about Jesus' or something like that. My response/feeling has always been that we will explain it as being something fun to do at the holiday (i.e. Easter, Christmas etc) but we would have the Bible to back us up on the 'truth' thing and the reason behind the holiday. Also we have always had fun with the 'fun part' but always always always made sure they knew the real reason for the celebration. We've done the Santa thing since they were babies and read the fun Christmas stories, baked cookies, written letters etc but made sure they understood it was ONLY a very small part of the celebration and the real reason we celebrate the time of year is to celebrate and rejoice in Jesus' birth! The same thing for Easter.
Then even harder is how does Halloween fit into the mix? I have a problem with Halloween, not really because of how it came into being a 'holiday' but more because I never liked dressing up, even as a child, so you can imagine how much I dislike it as an adult. We've always let our kids dress up and go trick-or-treating but we've always picked 'fun' cute costumes, Care Bears, Cheerleaders, Princesses etc. Well last year 4 yo was a skeleton, but Ty's a Chiropractor so that actually kinda seemed appropriate somehow. We've never allowed them to do the ghost, goblin, witch type costumes. I just don't agree with that! Honestly don't think Ty has a huge problem with it but supports me with my feelings of it. But is that going against what I just said about the other holidays?
I guess part of the reason we've done the 'fun' stuff (for lack of a better description) is first because Ty and myself did it as children, and we turned out alright (LOL) and second because it adds to the wonderment and imagination of being a child and believing in something that you cannot see, feel, or touch but you believe anyway. I think that is amazing and it's something that as adults, often times we lose b/c we have to be able to explain everything to a fault sometimes...ok now I'm rambling.
But I guess my real question here is, what do you do?
Kelly
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3 comments:
Wow, Kelly! Great question!
My husband and I went through the Santa Debate, too. Growing up, his parents had "taught" that Santa brought presents and he magically appeared at their house while they were all away. My parents loosely taught us about Santa -- we always had a present or two from Santa, but we kind of just knew that it was really Mom and Dad that gave us the present.
My husband and I decided to not include Santa in the holidays. We, too, heard the whole "if you tell them about Santa and later tell them it's a lie, then what's to keep them from believing Jesus isn't a lie also" debate, too. Part of me thinks that if you live for Jesus on a daily basis then that won't be an issue. There's a difference between your faith in Jesus and believing in Santa. However, I didn't want to trick or lie to the kids -- and maybe Santa isn't that big a deal or as intense as lying/tricking the kids.
Anyway. Our kids have seen pictures of Santa and asked about him. We tell them that he's made up like in a story. He's pretend. (Okay, so I think there was a real guy behind the Santa idea, but we'll save that for when they're older.) It's worked for us, and has helped me in keeping the focus on Jesus.
Amidst the Christmas season last year, my 4 yo was asking great questions like: "If Jesus' birthday is Christmas, when's God's birthday?" Then she asked, "Did God make Santa?" Both of those were tricky to me -- do I delve into the Trinity and explain that God and Jesus are the same? Or do I explain that God doesn't have a birthday because He's always existed? With the God-making-Santa question, do I explain that yes, God made Santa because God made all people. Or do I go with the Santa is make believe, so people made him up, but God made people. Yikes! Anybody know how to answer these questions??
Halloween -- it gets me every year. I'm kind of opposite from you, Kelly -- I LOVE to dress up and use Halloween as an excuse. Plus, we liked the idea of heading downtown and being a part of the community while everyone is trick-or-treating. However, a couple years ago, my 4yo (then 2)saw some pretty freaky costumes on some teenagers and it really bothered her. So we didn't go downtown last year. We've considered not going downtown anymore and maybe getting together with a couple family friends to hang out and play in costume.
For Easter, we do an egg hunt in our yard. Last year, we did something like Resurrection Eggs, where the kids opened a different plastic egg each day leading up to Easter to tell them about the Easter story. They learned the Easter story really well, and then we tied in how eggs represent being alive, just like Jesus is alive. Maybe that's cheesy. It allowed a transition to finding the eggs, though. :) (We don't believe in the Easter bunny, though. The kids know that Mommy goes out to hide the eggs and then she'll come back and they can go run to find them.)
We haven't had to deal with the Tooth Fairy yet. Don't know what we'll do there. It'd be fun to watch their surprise of finding something under your pillow in exchange for the tooth. We'll see.
In our house, we embrace it all, and just take the good with the bad, dealing with it as it comes.....and whaddya know, we also added one, the Elf on the Shelf.
We do do the Santa thing, as Kris Kringle was a real person "Father Christmas", and I love the whole "Miracle on 34th Street" concept. Theres just something about that wonderment, and I love to see the kid's face when they see Santa at the mall. It's kinda hard for the kids, especially at this age, to buy that Santa is made up, but then see him at the mall and the coffee shop, and then believe that Jesus is real but there isn't a time a year where they can see him. They know the reason for Christmas is Jesus' birthday, and we emphasize that more of course, (we even bake a birthday cake on Christmas to eat with dinner) but Santa is just a fun part of it. Santa only fills the stockings at our house, so the Santa part is only really Christmas morning for a bit. And I think what Karen said has a lot of value with me....if you live your live for Jesus, I'm thnking the confusion will be minimal.
Same goes with the Easter Bunny. We do that, and the baskets and stuff, but again, the focus isnt' on that suff, it just goes along for the fun.
Halloween is done, but not with as much focus as the other holidays. Yeah, they dress up, and now that we live in a really good neighborhood, I'm sure they'll go trick or treating, but the last 2 years, we've just done fun costumes (they'll never be allowed to go as anything scary or evil) and we have taken them to the "Zoo Boo", which is just a parade type setup where you walk through and see all the themes and costumes, and you do get candy too. It takes place before it gets really dark and is fun and fairy-tale and animal oriented rather than scary. The other option is to do stuff at our church, that usually has a halloween goings-on because of the bad neighborhood in N. Minneapolis where it is located.
Both my husband and I grew up with all the holidays being JUST about Santa and the Easter Bunny and NO Jesus. We both still managed to find the truth and have some happy childhood memories of those fun times to boot. So, I believe that our daily example and emphasis on Jesus throughout the holidays will make our kids better off than we were to begin with. And being a believer in predestination, I don't see that in the end, Santa or no Santa would have made a difference anyways.
At Christmas and Easter we take a similar approach to Karen's for the same reasons. My husband and I have decided that it would be best to tell them the truth about all things from the very beginning. We don't participate in Halloween activities, either. I am confident that we have made a good decision for our family, but I still sometimes feel guilty when other people feel bad for our kids for not getting to be exposed to the secular parts of the holidays. Then I need to remember that the real reasons for the holiday are SO much more important for the kids to know and can be fun at the same time!
This verse keeps coming to my head as I think about the topic and I'm feeling like I need to write it here..."Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me- put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you." Phil 4:8-9
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