Meal Times

How do you deal with finicky eaters who will eat 2 bites and want to be done? Or those who refuse to even taste it because they’ve never eaten it before? Do you head into battle and make them eat? (If so, how do you accomplish that???) Or do you let them eat whatever they’ll eat and let them get down? If so, do you give them food later when they ask? Wait until the next meal?

We’re really looking for some suggestions here. Our 4 yo has foods she just really refuses to eat (rice, cooked veggies, oatmeal, etc). I sympathize with her because I was a picky eater growing up and had issues with texture. Sometimes she’ll say she doesn’t want to eat foods that we know she likes (or will like when she tries them). We either persuade her to eat by alternating us feeding her a bite and her feeding herself, or telling her how many bites she has left. Those little antics seem to help her clear her plate most of the time.

Our 2 yo is pretty much the opposite. He’ll try anything and likes most things, but we struggle to get him to sit at the table for more than 2 bites. (Not exaggerating.) He wants to get down and play. He refuses to open his mouth if we try to give him more food. As of the past two nights, my husband has been able to get 2 yo to eat sometimes 6 bites (*gasp*) and even nearly clear his plate by telling him that the bites will help him grow big and strong. Upon hearing that, he shows us his muscles and shoves a bite in his mouth. I think he’s tiring of that “trick” though.

If the kids don’t finish the food on their plates at mealtimes, then they don’t get any food until the next meal. Sometimes that helps them scarf down food, sometimes it doesn’t.

We’ve tried not to make the dinner table a battle zone because we want to enjoy the time there as a family. What do you do? Do you make sure the kids eat everything on their plates? Do you have any tricks to get them to eat?

Discipline

What form of discipline do you use? Do you spank? Use time outs? Slap hands? Other? If you spank, do you use something (to represent the rod) or do you use your hand?

We use a little bit of everything with discipline. Each kid has a different thing that works best. Most of the time, we don’t need to use spankings. But if one of the kids is being extremely defiant, we will spank. When we spank, it’s just one swat with our hand to their backside. Usually, just getting the kid away from the situation is enough.

Time-outs work really well with our social 2-yo. Being away from people is very tough on him. Time-outs aren’t as effective with our 4 yo because she can play wherever she is – her imagination goes with her even in time-out. Too, she is usually obedient and very helpful, so she rarely needs to be punished.

A couple times, we’ve slapped hands for when the kids push or hit each other. Though, I don’t feel right slapping a hand and saying, “Don’t hit!” There’s something a bit hypocritical about that, isn’t there?

Wordless Wednesday -- July 30

A couple days ago the kids were all racing up and down the hall. I thought it was fun that even 8 mo got in on the action.

Kelly's Question -- Make Believe

Do you 'allow' your kids to get caught up in the 'make-believe' of the holidays or not? Why? If you do, at what age do you 'tell them the truth' or do you let them figure it out on their own and then make sure you are there to answer the questions that are bound to follow?


I've heard the debate of 'if you lie about Santa why should they believe you about Jesus' or something like that. My response/feeling has always been that we will explain it as being something fun to do at the holiday (i.e. Easter, Christmas etc) but we would have the Bible to back us up on the 'truth' thing and the reason behind the holiday. Also we have always had fun with the 'fun part' but always always always made sure they knew the real reason for the celebration. We've done the Santa thing since they were babies and read the fun Christmas stories, baked cookies, written letters etc but made sure they understood it was ONLY a very small part of the celebration and the real reason we celebrate the time of year is to celebrate and rejoice in Jesus' birth! The same thing for Easter.

Then even harder is how does Halloween fit into the mix? I have a problem with Halloween, not really because of how it came into being a 'holiday' but more because I never liked dressing up, even as a child, so you can imagine how much I dislike it as an adult. We've always let our kids dress up and go trick-or-treating but we've always picked 'fun' cute costumes, Care Bears, Cheerleaders, Princesses etc. Well last year 4 yo was a skeleton, but Ty's a Chiropractor so that actually kinda seemed appropriate somehow. We've never allowed them to do the ghost, goblin, witch type costumes. I just don't agree with that! Honestly don't think Ty has a huge problem with it but supports me with my feelings of it. But is that going against what I just said about the other holidays?

I guess part of the reason we've done the 'fun' stuff (for lack of a better description) is first because Ty and myself did it as children, and we turned out alright (LOL) and second because it adds to the wonderment and imagination of being a child and believing in something that you cannot see, feel, or touch but you believe anyway. I think that is amazing and it's something that as adults, often times we lose b/c we have to be able to explain everything to a fault sometimes...ok now I'm rambling.

But I guess my real question here is, what do you do?

Kelly

Bedtime

What does your bedtime routine look like? How long does it take? How do you get rid of the energy bug and the delay bug and the I’ll-do-anything-to-not-go-to-bed-even-if-it’s-negative-attention bug?

Our bedtime routine has changed in the past couple of months.
What it used to be: My husband would head to the kids’ room to run around, wrestle, play with them. (One of the games our 4 yo made up was called “Ten Twan Cat.” It’s essentially a game of chase each other in circles around the room. But the name made it so much fun!) Then they’d play clean up time – my husband would call out a certain toy or a certain color and the kids would race to find it and put it away. Then pajamas, teeth, potty, a story or two, verse and prayer, and wha-la!

Sounds good, right? Well, except we think that the running around and playing actually got the kids wound up not worn out. Many, many times we’d head back to the room to tuck them back in, discipline if necessary, whatever. It’d be at least 2 hours later before they were really calmed down and sleeping. Yikes!

What it is now: After dinner, we play as a family or go for a walk or something in hopes of wearing out the kids a bit. We give the kids’ time increments for when bedtime is coming. “Ten minutes and then it’s time to get ready for bed.” That kind of thing. We let our 4 yo know the 3 things (pajamas, brush teeth, go potty) she needs to do to get ready for bed and she gets to decide in what order she’ll do them. My husband or I change 2 yo, help him brush his teeth, and then read/cuddle him to calm him down. He still gets out of bed several times in the evening, so we’re trying to cut back on that by giving him some time to lay by him. 8 mo is usually changed and nursed around this time, too. When 4 yo is ready, she’ll lay down in our bed to fall asleep. This helps relieve some of the goofing around that took place previously. I would love for the kids to be able to chat together at bedtime (since their beds are in the same room), but 2 yo (Mr. Social) sees it as another opportunity to play with big sister.

Most of the time, we're still quieting down kids, putting them back to bed, etc. Any tips for how to be able to just put them to bed and have them stay there and fall asleep?

Amy's Question -- Bathtime

How often do you give your kids a bath? At what age do you let them bath on their own?

I realize that you can't pin an age to this- it depends on the child because they have different personalities and abilities but for all of the moms out there who have already been to this phase- when did you let your kids bath on their own? I really dislike giving baths!!!! I try to avoid it at all costs, but they do need to get cleaned sometimes!!! Sometimes I read about people giving their kids a bath every day and I just can't imagine that! Do moms really do this??? I used to every other day, but now it has been a little longer between baths lately because I dislike it so much and they don't seem all that dirty. Of course, if they are noticeably dirty, I give them a bath more often- but I don't enjoy any minute of it!! The kids do fine and play and are happy- but I'm not too excited about it all! Any hints?

BTW- we have an extra large bathtub and I usually have all three kids in at once (ages 4, 3, 1) so they get more play time while they are waiting for the others to get cleaned. I've tried individual baths and even showers when we need to get it done quick- but all three together seems to be best for us.

Amy

Traditions

What are some traditions you’re building with your family?

We have some traditions for Christmas morning. I make sticky buns and fruit salad (a tradition handed down from my mom) in the morning, we read the Christmas story from the Bible, and then we open presents together (which can take all day because the kids enjoy each present after opening it).

For this past Easter, we did something similar to Resurrection Eggs with a 12-day countdown to Easter. Each day focused on a part of the Easter story. The kids LOVED it and could tell the Easter story to anyone who asked. I'm eager to do this every year.

Every fall, we do a Family Getaway Weekend. (Because summer is the busiest time for my husband’s business, we don’t do any family vacations during that season. Even fall can be busy for him, but we make sure to get away as a family for at least a weekend.)

Also in the fall, we head out to a pumpkin or apple farm. My mom and brothers and sisters-in-law have been able to join us; we make it a big event. It's a lot of fun, and the kids love picking out pumpkins. This year, we might try out a farm nearby that has this pumpkin launcher.

What do YOU do? Do you have any non-holiday oriented traditions?

Family Night

Do you do family nights? What do you do? How do you gear them to reach all the age levels in your family?

We do not do family nights, though I’d like to.

I’ve heard of some family nights where the family does a devotional that includes a game/activity to reinforce the topic/story from the Bible. That seems really cool to me. A couple things have kept us from doing that – age differences and attention spans are big factors.

I’m thinking that maybe we’ll claim one night of the week to be “family night,” where we eat a favorite meal and then play a game (CandyLand, Uno) together. We do often go on family walks or out in our yard after dinner, but I'm wondering if labeling a night would make it more special. Any thoughts?

Movies/TV

Do you let your children watch videos/movies? Are they only Christian movies? Do you restrict the amount of time they watch? What is that time? Are videos/movies strictly a reward or a family time event? How old are your kids when you let them start watching movies?

Yes, my kids watch movies. Sad to say, most of the winter was spent with movies constantly going. I used “recovering from a C-section” and “it’s too cold to play outside for a new baby” as my excuses. However, I cringed most of the time as the kids popped in the next movie. (Yes, they both know how to put in and take out movies with out scratching or breaking anything.)

More recently, movies are in the minority of our activities during the day. Granted, it helps that the weather is much nicer and I’ve recovered from surgery. :) Also, while the kids might start out watching a movie, they tend to walk away to go play before it ends.

Movies are huge aids to me while I have to be doing something that requires most, if not all, of my attention. (We don’t get any type of tv programming, not even basic channels. The mountains in town are in the way of the antenna that would reach our tv. Crazy, huh?) I tend to put movies on while I’m making dinner – I need the kids to be occupied during that time; I get easily stressed if I have to focus on making dinner AND try to keep the kids occupied.

I’ve always tried to wait for the kids to sit down and watch movies until they were at least 1 yr old. Our 8 mo might catch glimpses of a movie that’s on for the kids, but we don’t put her there intentionally to watch.

I’m pretty picky when it comes to movies the kids watch. We usually don’t watch Disney movies because they’re too frightening. And some people may think I’m being way too over-protective of the kids by being really careful about scary scenes. But my 4 yo has vivid dreams and night terrors, so I don’t want to add anything to that. I have an active imagination especially at night, so I’m very sensitive to scary things. When we check out movies from the library or get new ones, I’m usually watching the movie with them for the first couple times to help them through any parts that might be scary. We own Finding Nemo and Monsters Inc (more for me and my husband than the kids); if ever the kids want to watch, I sit there and skip through most of the scenes. The kids think those movies are only about 15 minutes long because of the skipping.

The movies we do watch are typically 20-30 minute long. Our library has quite an extensive collection of videos. We’ve enjoyed Magic School Bus, Diego, Dora, Little Einsteins, Blues Clues, Peep, Bear in the Big Blue House, some Baby Einstein, and Veggie Tales. I sit there and watch the videos with the kids for the first couple times and interact with them by laughing, asking questions, pointing things out, etc. Even Veggie Tales has some weird ones out there that aren’t age appropriate for the kids.

What do you do? Anything you recommend?

Character

What are some of the most important traits you hope to develop in your children? How are you going about accomplishing that?

Oh good grief! These are some huge questions. Who came up with these anyway?!?

I guess this question really comes down to how you handle character training. I’m starting to realize that the quickest, easiest way to teach the kids how to do something is to do it with them. And I’m also seeing that the quickest, easiest way to teach the kids how to be or act is to be that way myself. Yikes! It’s so intimidating to think about it, however true it may be.

So, let’s see…the most important traits…hmm…well, the Bible touches on this a little bit, so…all those traits in the Bible. That’s what I want for my kids. :)

Okay, so on a day-to-day basis, the biggest things I’m currently working on is sharing and giving. But it’s not any intense training I’m putting the kids through. We just go through the mantra, “If there are kids at the library, we … ?” 4 yr and 2 yr shout out “SHARE!” Same thing for if friends come to our house. “When our friends come over, we … ?” “SHARE!” “While we’re in the nursery and class, we … ?” “SHARE!” I’m hoping that maybe this is a step in direction toward developing selflessness. What do you think?

(Last night while the kids were playing with the train set up at a Barnes ‘n Noble, I overheard 4 yo remind 2 yo, “You need to share and that’s what you did when you let that girl have your train.”)

The giving thing may not be anything major. We’ve bundled up a couple packages/gifts for long-distance families. The kids have gotten excited about it and talk about the process of making cookies, coloring pictures, packing up the box, etc. While gift-giving may not necessarily be a character trait, I like that there’s joy in the giving. We also sponsor a Dalit child, and we talk about giving money each month to help her out. I’m not sure they get the overall concept, but they at least see her face and know there’s someone out there that needs help.

Help me out here. Am I on the right path? I know I could be doing more, but what? Is there any sort of curriculum / book / something that’s helped you with this?

Playtime

Do you keep your children busy with tasks and organized play throughout the day? Or do you let them play freely without guidance or restriction? What’s your reasoning behind that?

I always thought that kids should just play freely; that’s just what they do. You wake up, the kids go off and play while you clean and do whatever. However, over the past few months when I’d let my oldest two (4 and 2 ½) play while I went off to do chores, reading, or other things, more often than not there was screaming and pushing and crying. That made for long, frustrating days.

I read somewhere that some moms are always within close proximity to their children to be able to curb any potential problems before they really become problems. They literally keep their children within arm’s reach all day long. That seemed a bit much to me, but my way didn’t seem to make for a happy household, so I thought I’d give it a try.

It didn’t last very long. I think within the first hour, I realized that I didn’t have enough organized, planned things to do with the kids, and I didn’t want to follow them around like their shadows. Also, what if they want to do two separate things? Should I stick with the one and let the other one go free? There are probably good answers for these questions, and it might be a plan that works well for families. I decided to tweak this idea a bit, though.

My schedule/routine helps me a lot. I ask the kids to help me with chore time, and we have some play times together where I’m available (scheduled) to join in the play or I work on the room they’re playing in. Sometimes the kids are playing really well together and I don’t want to interrupt that! I just keep an ear on them while I’m cleaning or whatever. As soon as I start to hear the emotion of the play change, I head in (which in and of itself can resolve things). Other times, I implement table games – I either put the kids at separate locations (1 at dining room table, one at kitchen counter) or both at the table, depending on how they’re acting toward each other. I’ll give each of them a toy, book, doodle, project that they can work on at the table. This can last for up to 30 minutes, depending on the table game. Then we’re ready to go on to the next thing, whether it’s more chore time, playing together, lunch, etc.

Things have been a lot more peaceful around here. Yes, they’re still kids and siblings and so there will still be moments of trouble, but it’s been reduced some and that’s wonderful! I have to keep my mindset in check and remember to be available to them. I haven’t perfected my plan-of-attack, but it’s getting there. What do you do?

(Ooh! One more thought. I’ve noticed that I don’t hear the “I’m bored” comment as much anyway. Maybe having some organized/structured time has helped so that when they have free time, their toys are more appealing. Just a thought.)

Don't give up!

Hey, All! I know it's been a while since I've posted, commented, etc. This past week has been kind of weird with scheduling and stuff.

Check back later today/tomorrow. I'm hoping to have time this afternoon/evening to get back on here for a bit! And don't you worry...I have a heap more questions coming your way! :)

I LOVE reading what you all have to say. It's very encouraging to know other Moms have questions / struggles / concerns with how we live and raise kids!! Thanks for joining in!

Meghan's Question -- Appearance

I HAVE A QUESTION! I wonder about all you gals out there. Do you think much about your appearance, and how that reflects your personality? Is it something that you think about a lot? Hardly? Could care less? I am trying to find the balance between taking care of myself, being attractive to my husband, and having fun with fashion without it consuming too much of my mind. I'd be happy to hear from you and your enlightening comments. Meghan



One response:
HI girls! I don't know that I have the 'right' answer but I can tell you what I do....it's def easier as the kids get older to do something with yourself more consistentaly. It was really really hard when they were all small (they are 7.5, 6, & 4 now..oh and 1 on the way!)I know when they were young, toddlers and smaller, I was thrilled that I got to shower much less anything else, very sad days when I couldn't even remember when the last shower was! lol When I was home with them all day when they were little, I had a rule that I tried hard to stick to. First, to try to be dressed in some way by 10am, a lot of the time it gravitated closer to 11 but I tried; and second I tried to keep the comfy clothes, like track pants or leggings or the like, to only 1 or 2 days a week and to wear 'real' cloths the rest. I found that the sloppier I dressed the more tired, crabby, down, etc I felt and that when I took the time to 'get ready' even if just a little I felt worlds better about myself. I do wear makeup and have for ever it seems but I can do it in less than 10 minutes and it makes a huge difference in how I feel. Anyway, now tho that they are all in school for a few hours it's a lot easier! For me, I try to balance it with functionality--i.e. high heels, no matter how in-fashion they are just aren't practical on the school/grocery runs ;o)--comfort and trying to be somewhat fashionable, in my mind anyway. No matter what I will always have a main staple of good ol blue jeans, in fashion or not, though thankfully I think they stay most of the time. My hubby is pretty good about telling me when I look nice and letting me know, nicely as possible if he doesn't care for something in particular. As an example he hates track pants, I still wear them around the house sometimes but I really try to not wear them very often (even pregnant) and not around him if I can help it. Don't get me wrong, he doesn't care at home, just not out in public much. Anyway...that's my 2cents worth, if it's even worth that! Hope it helps someone....kelly

Toys

Do you have too many toys? How do you regulate that, if at all? Have you ever wanted to ask family members to not give so many toys as gifts? Have you gone through with it? What was their response?


Yes, we have too many toys. I should probably sort through them to do throw away / give away / sell / keep piles. Any suggestions for what determines which toy goes in which pile?

We currently are doing a toy rotation. Some toys are in bins in the attic. After 4 or 5 months, we’ll box up most of the toys that are in the kids’ room now (except for the favorites that are near and dear) and bring down the toys from the attic. That gives the kids an opportunity to play with their toys as if they were new all over again. I’m hoping, too, that as we continue this rotation, I’ll be able to more easily sort through the toys. The thing is, though, I don’t want to ditch all the baby toys, because 8 mo will probably like to play with them, too, as she gets older. So, I'm afraid my collection will keep growing until the last child has passed up the age level for a toy.

I have been VERY tempted to ask family members to not give toys as gifts. It’s difficult, though, because I very much appreciate their generosity. I believe that kids don’t need a lot of toys and that their imaginations allow them to play really well with just about anything. I’m contemplating making up a gift list (which some relatives have asked for) with consumable items such as magazine subscriptions, stickers, paint books, etc. Please help me…what do you think about this?

Vacations

What do holidays and vacations look like? Do you have set places that the family is excited to go to and visit regularly? Or do you go to a new place every time? Do you do vacations that aren’t tied to visiting family? For holidays, do you alternate with his family and yours? Or do you keep your holidays for your own family unit?

**I didn't try to load up this question. I was just looking for questions that might help guide your answer. Let me know if you think I need to only have one question mark per post. :)


It seems that any vacation time we have we use to go to visit with family. For the past 2 years, though, we’ve taken a family weekend getaway in the fall. Those have been fun times for us to stay in a hotel for a night or two and explore a different town within our state. We really look forward to those times!

We’d like to use vacation to travel and see some National Parks, San Diego Zoo, Disneyland, etc. But we’ll have to wait and see if/when that can happen with my husband’s work schedule and the kids ages. (Speaking of...do you do major road trips with your kids? What are good ages, do you think, to go see some of these big vacation destinations??)

Every five years, my mom’s cousins get together for an Olson Family Reunion. One of four family groupings (descended from my grandfather and his 3 siblings) takes turns to plan the locations, place, events, etc for that vacation. Since we’ve been married, my husband has been able to participate in 2 reunions. It’s an absolute blast seeing distant cousins (not sure if they’re called 2nd and 3rd cousins, or twice- and three-times removed), and watching the families grow. So, every five years, we have our vacation planned for us! We just need to save the $ to get there.

With my family living so close, we celebrate quite a few holidays together – Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas. Though, I wonder if those holiday get-togethers may change since both of my brothers are now married and their in-laws live close by. We are very protective of our Christmas Day. We like to have that time just for us. Because of the physical distance between the members of my husband’s family, they only seem to get everyone together once a year. For the past 2 years, we’ve celebrated Christmas with them over the New Year weekend because that’s the best for everyone’s schedules.

In-Laws

Have there been any in-law clashes/issues? How have those been worked through/resolved?


When we were first married, I really struggled in a relationship with my mother-in-law. I felt as though she was really having a hard time cutting the apron strings with my husband. There were also differences in how she expected to help out and be involved when kids came along and how I wanted to be helped with the kids. There were a lot of clashes, and my husband was caught in the middle.

I think time and space was a huge factor in those issues being resolved. Understanding each other’s perspectives also helped.

Lately I’ve tried to do something specifically for her each month to keep in touch. By looking for ways to connect with her (usually with pictures or notes or cookies made by the kids), I think it’s helped me a ton in seeking a relationship with her rather than spurning it.

I don’t have a good relationship with my father-in-law (divorced from husband’s mom), and that has been really tough on my husband. There are many things that have happened in the amount of time that I have know my father-in-law that have bothered me, and it’s made it extremely difficult to want to be around him. I know I need to work on this, but it is really, really tough.

I enjoy spending time with my siblings-in-law. My favorite thing is watching my husband with his siblings because they love to laugh and goof around together in a very fun way.

Extended Family

For those with long-distance families, how do you keep them involved in your children’s lives? Do you send pictures? Do the kids do crafts or pictures often for them?


I’m very blessed to have my mom and my 2 brothers and their wives all within 1 ½ hour drive. Sam’s family is all over the country, and my extended family (with whom I’m really close) is also scattered around the world. I try to keep up with posting pictures on Shutterfly and sending those links out. But I know it’s not the same as seeing the kids on a regular basis. Is there anything more I could be doing??

Ministries

Are you involved in any ministries in church? How do you balance that with other stuff in your life?


My husband and I used to be involved in the youth ministry at church. We were helpers for the youth pastor (called Shepherds). As our family grew, though, it was more and more difficult to continue with that. I’d love to get back into that someday.

What I currently miss most is being a part of the drama ministry at church. But with 3 church services each weekend (not to mention the time to memorize and practice the dramas), this ministry takes quite a bit of time. I also look forward to helping with music at church again.

Maybe when 8 mo is a bit older my husband won’t be so overwhelmed (understandably, he’s not too keen about being outnumbered) and I’ll be able to pick a way to be involved again.

Bible study

What’s your favorite or most effective way to study the Bible?


Mornings are best for me…in general. However, mornings have not been my friend while up during the night with 8 mo. I’m hoping to get back to being up before everyone else so I can do some quiet study in the mornings.

Precept study really fits my learning style – picking out specific words, going deeper into the chapter. God is also faithful in teaching me when I pick a random passage to read, look up a certain topic, or do something like “Read the Bible in One Year.”

Family Size

Do/Did you and your husband debate over the “how many children should we have” question? How was it resolved?

We’re currently in the middle of this debate. My husband is a bit overwhelmed right now with 3. (For those of you who don’t know, we were on the 5-year plan – we had talked about waiting ‘til after we’d been married for 5 years before we had kids. Well, we just celebrated our 6th anniversary last month. We dropped our 3 kids off at Mom’s house and headed to dinner.) :)

I’ve always wanted 4 or 5 kids; I like the idea of lots of kids in the family. I’m not sure how this debate will be resolved. I’m wondering if this is one of those situations where I need to follow my husband’s lead and submit to his authority. It breaks my heart to think of being done having kids. But I can’t parent without my husband being sane and alongside me.

Any thoughts?

(I hope this isn't too sensitive or private a question. I'm looking for some guidance in how to resolve this for us.)

Kid Questions

How in the world do you answer all their questions?! Seriously. Do you have resources? Do you ask them to stop asking questions after a certain number in a row?

This is where I’m needing your input. 4 yo always always always asks questions. And her questions are in-depth and cover any topic imaginable. Her theological questions have challenged me to dump my Christianese answers and get down to the basics of who God is and what He does for us. Her zoological questions have led me to google pictures of ticks and videos of yawning hippos. Her digestive system questions have led me to order a kids’ picture/info book about our bodies. Her definition questions have led me to look for a good kids’ dictionary.

I love her questions. I take it as a challenge to try to figure out how to describe words and systems. I sometimes get overwhelmed because there’s usually a barrage of at least 10-15 questions in a row. Her questions could be a great opportunity to teach her how to look up information. Does anyone have suggestions for good educational magazines, reference guides, anything?

Kid Strengths

How do you help your kids build on their strengths/passions? And how do you identify those strengths/passions?

At 2 years of age and even before, my now 4 year old loved to dance and move around to the music. I enrolled her in a ballet class for the summer (6 weeks long, 1 class per week). She really enjoyed it. We signed her up again last summer, and she enjoyed the first 2 classes. The last 3 classes had a different teacher, different teaching style, and 4 yo was not happy with the change. We didn’t enroll her this summer for various reasons, and she hasn’t really mentioned it.

4 yo LOVES the rodeo and talks about how she’ll ride horses and catch bulls when she gets older. She’s ridden a pony a couple of times. Perhaps this will be an interest to pursue, too.

2 yo doesn’t have any distinct “interests” beyond trucks and jumping around. I bet he’d enjoy trying out rec league soccer or something. But we haven’t looked into it.

Kid Devotions

Do you use any special devotion books or Bibles to teach your kids?

I have a devotion book that, for devotion purposes, is one page per day. It doesn’t have any special pictures, and while it’s a kid’s devotion book, it’s not at a preschool level. It chops up the Bible stories in weird ways, too.

I saw The Beginner’s Bible and wonder if that’d be a good Bible to read through with the kids.

As the kids ask questions, sometimes I’m able to tell them a Bible story. But I want to do more. Do you read stories directly out of the Bible to your kids? Do you use a book to help guide their learning about stories?

Schooling

What are you doing / going to do for schooling your children? Are you planning on public schools? Private? Home schooling? How did you reach that decision?

I think we’re going to try home schooling. Our 4 yo won’t meet the birthday deadline to do school this fall, so we have a year yet before the decision ultimately needs to be made.

I’ve always been excited about the home schooling idea. My husband, however, had always figured that the kids would go to public school. He had a good schooling experience. I did not (socially, anyway) have a good experience and often asked my mom if I could be home schooled. So, while my husband was a bit hesitant, he's willing to give homeschooling a try. I’m eager to see the kids’ different learning styles and how to make it work for them.

Saving Money

What are you doing these days to cut costs?

I do haircuts for husband and 2 yo. It may not cost a lot for their haircuts, but over the years it sure does add up.

Also, I’ve started to make my own bread. I have a recipe from my husband’s Grandma to make in my bread machine. That bread is special to my husband because of the memories it invokes. It’s a great recipe and very tasty bread. But my husband would rather I not make that for every day use but for special occasion meals. In my recent bread-making experiments, I’ve discovered that buying frozen loaves to let rise and bake on my own are essentially the same price as the ingredients to make my own bread from scratch. (I was really hopeful with a bread-from-scratch recipe. But I’m frustrated with this whole “high altitude” thing; it won every time because my bread just wouldn’t rise, or it would flop over.) So, frozen loaves it is! They’re a lot less frustration and cheaper than buying bread from the store.

We do other homemade stuff. Making cookies with the kids is a blast! Not only do we end up with a tasty treat in the end, but the kids are learning to take turns/share through the process, and they’re learning cleanliness (like not licking fingers/hands and then diving into the dough). Homemade pizza is another meal that saves money, compared to frozen pizza prices up here and eating out at pizza places.

Recently, we discovered weak spots in our budget – categories where we’d tend to go overboard. For those 3 categories, we decided to pull out the month’s allotment in cash and go with the envelope system. (We use debit cards for the others.) That has helped a lot for the past month we've been doing this.

We’ve also tried to cut down on our trips to the valley in attempts to preserve our car budget.

The last time we went down for our monthly shopping trip, we began to write down prices of frequent purchases to compare (1) the grocery store up here in town, (2) Wal-Mart, and (3) Sam’s Club. We only priced one of the stores, but hopefully this next month we can do scouting trips to the other places and figure out which is the better buy.

Always eager for more money-saving tips!

Who are you?

We interrupt this regularly scheduled question for a different kind of post.

If you're up for it, maybe you all could comment here and sort of introduce yourself. Nothing major. Maybe you could give the name with which you're identifying yourself in the comments and the age of your kids. That way when other people read your comments, they have a general idea of what your household scenario is like.

For example,

I'm Karen. I have 3 kids: 4 year old female, 2 1/2 year old male, Baby girl (born 11/07).


Are you game?

Snacks

What are some snacks you like to keep around the house for the kids?

Yogurt Raisins. Pretzels. Apples. Chocolate Chip Cookies. (Though we try to keep the cookie consumption to a minimum.) Goldfish or other crackers. Freezie pops. (which today stained 2 yo’s fingers purple.)

Someone gave us a bag of something called “Pirate Booty” and the kids scarfed it down. It was popcorn-looking stuff, vegetable flavored even, and that didn’t slow them down one bit! The kids have asked for it ever since, though around here it’s hard to come by.

We think there’s a correlation between sugar intake and wildness/disobedience. Anyone else discover this? Another big thing we’ve wondered about is if there’s something in fruit snacks that makes kids go crazy. We’ve cut them out of our collection of snacks because 2 yo was almost out of control sometimes; he just seemed to be over-stimulated or something. It’s as if he couldn’t hear us. Or his ears received the message but his brain told him to do the opposite.

Date Nights

Do you do date nights with your husband? What are some examples of what you do for those? How has communication with your husband changed since children, if at all? How do you maintain your relationship?

My husband and I do not have scheduled date nights. However, my mom usually watches the older 2 kids on Wednesday nights while we go to small group. (8 month old sticks with us still.) So the drive to and from small group is some "us" time for adult conversation without interruption. Time during small group is also much more focused for us on “grown up” stuff. Every now and then we set up a date night. If we can, we like to go play racquetball. For our anniversary, we went out to dinner. (Just the two of us! I nearly reached out to cut up my husband's food because I didn't know what to do with myself.) Another date night we enjoy is the outdoor theater. There’s one about an hour away, so if we leave at the right time, the drive will sometimes get the kids to fall asleep and we can pull in to watch the movie.

Communication has changed tremendously! It’s a whole different world with kids running around and needing attention. It just is. I don’t know how to describe it. One thing that I do value greatly is that, since we’ve been married, my husband comes home for lunch. Every day. Lately, he’s been able to come home after I put the kids down for naptime, so it’s mostly uninterrupted. Lunchtime has been an incredible way for us to connect and share what our days have been like so far. I feel like it’s helped us to really stay a part of each other’s very different lives – mine at home with kids and his out in the world with lots of people.

How do we maintain our relationship? Hmmm…well, we were friends before we started dating, so friendship is the basis for our relationship. We often have a game of Phase 10 going, whether we play a few phases over lunch and pick up the rest of the game in the evening or whatever. We have a Frisbee golf course in our yard, so our evenings with the kids are often spent wandering around the yard. Laughter is the key. If I’m not laughing with him about things that should be funny, I know our relationship is off (at least on my end) and something needs to be done. In the past, too, we’ve done a devotional together before bedtime. Even having 10 minutes to focus on a verse and talk about what we each think has made a big difference in our relationship. (Lately, we haven’t been doing the devotional because I go to bed early and he goes to bed late.) :)

Meal Planning

What does meal planning look like for you? Monthly menus? Weekly? Come up with it the day of? Lots of crock-potting? Lots of frozen meals? Lots of eating out?

I try to write out 3-4 weeks worth of dinners. (Breakfast is typically cereal or toast or banana bread; lunch is leftovers or create your own. I usually only cook one big meal during the day.) I rarely stick to the actual order or assigned meal for the day and pick something else off the list, depending on what I feel like making. But by making up the menu for the month, we’re able to plan our 1 time per month shopping trip down to the valley. Then all (or at least most) of the ingredients are here for whenever I choose to make whichever meal I want.

We’re trying to cut back on eating out, which is costly and a big ordeal with 3 young kids.

I would LOVE to do more with crock-potting! I’m not a big soup person, though, so I’m not sure what else to do with it. In the past, I’ve put a chunk of pork, a bunch of bbq sauce and let it go all day on low. The result is some tasty BBQ Pulled Pork. But beyond that, I don’t know what to do. Any tips? Secrets? Recipes?

I also don’t know how to make and freeze meals. I’ve never done it and don’t know what freezes well. Again, any pointers?

Favorite Meal

What’s your favorite family meal? May I have the recipe? :)

Our family favorite changes with the seasons or as we discover new recipes. Over the past couple of months, we’ve really liked marinating (for at least a couple hours) chicken breasts in Italian dressing and grilling them. Served with fruit salad and fresh baked rolls, lemonade to drink, and ice cream sandwiches for dessert. Yum!

You Time

Do you have any set “you” time? If so, what do you do during that time? OR…do you find that you just need to focus on kids and family at this time and skip “you” stuff? Is one way healthier than the other?

Hmmm…I don’t know if one way is healthier than the other. From January to April, I was able to take a Precept class at church. It meant I left the house for one evening a week for 2 hours. My husband took care of the older 2 kids at home while I took the baby to class with me. It was really good to be able to get out of the house and focus on a class like that. I hope to do that again this next semester, if possible. Hopefully I’ll be able to go on my own and not take any kids along so I can really focus on the class. It’s tough, too, though because I missed out on the bedtime routine with the kids.

I teeter between these two ideas. On the one hand, I can see where a woman could lose her identity in motherhood if she never had alone time or a break from time with the kids. On the other hand, I think a woman could easily become selfish and focus on her own things instead of focusing on her job at hand – raising the kids and caring for her family. I think, at this time, I tend to lean toward the idea that I need to really focus on the kids and my family for now. My husband has offered alone time for me if I wanted to leave the house, but I have no idea what I’d do or where I’d go! The current schedule we’re on also is a lot less stressful, so I’m not feeling anxious or overwhelmed. Praise the Lord for that!

Bedroom Set Up

How do you do bedroom set-up? Do kids share a room? Ideally, would you hope for each kid to have their own bedroom? If so, at what age do you think it’s most important?

Currently, 4 yo and 2 yo share a room. It’s technically the master bedroom of the house, so it’s a bigger room. Their toys are in there with them, and it serves as a sleeping place and a play room. These two have always shared a room. We have 8 mo in her own room because, until recently, she was up several times in the night, and we didn’t want her waking up the other two. Also, she naps a couple times throughout the day, and we didn’t want her to keep the kids from the playroom.

We know at some point we’ll switch so that 2 yo has his own room and 8 mo will share with 4yo. But we’re not sure at what age that’s important for boys and girls to be in separate rooms. Right now, at bedtime, 4yo and 2yo read together. Kinda tough to break that up! Also, we haven’t thought about it or discussed it yet, but I don’t know if at some point it’ll be important to give each girl her own room. They’re 3 ½ years apart in age, and I’m guessing 4 yo will eventually want privacy. Do you think that’s really important, or should they learn to live with a shared room scenario?

Chores

What do you believe about chores? What do you believe about allowance? If your kids do chores, how old are they and what are their specific tasks? How did you get to that point of getting them to do chores?


I totally believe in chores! I like that they teach kids to help out around the house and clean up after themselves. I’m not sure what to think about allowance. I certainly want my kids to know the value of money – they will learn that! But I think there are some household tasks that they should be expected to do without receiving pay for it. At what age were your kids when you started doing allowance, and how did you determine the amount?

Currently, 4 yo has two main chores: emptying the dishwasher (plates and bowls) and matching up everyone's socks from the clean laundry. This is in addition, though, to making her bed, clearing her plate/cup/bowl off the table after meals, and helping me throughout the day when I ask. 2 yo has one main chore: emptying the silverware from the dishwasher. He also clears his table settings (with help) and makes his bed (with help). I read somewhere that you could assign the number of chores for half their age (rounding up on odd years). I thought I’d give it a shot and see what happens.

In the past, I’ve tried sticker charts where the kids could put up a sticker after accomplishing a task, but they didn't seem too motivated by it. The current schedule we’re on seems to help the kids realize that some parts of the day are work times and others are play times. I’m not really getting any grumbles from them when I ask for them to do their chores. However, when I first introduced the tasks, there was grumbling and pouting lips. But since I was there to help out and walk them through it, they caught on and are okay with it now.

Raising Kids

Does your husband participate in deciding how to raise the kids? Or does he follow your lead and support whatever you decide? Do you discuss on a regular basis how to raise the kids? What are the main points you talk about?


My husband is very supportive of how I spend my day with the kids. He is encouraging and listens when I have questions or want his suggestions. He doesn’t usually lead discussions or offer thoughts on what we should do. But if I want to know how we should go about doing something, he’s right there, ready to listen and share his thoughts.

Extra Income

Do you work to bring in extra income for the household? What do you do? Does it require any special training or certification? Are you hoping to go back to work when the kids reach a certain age? What age? What do you want to do?


I do not currently work to bring in extra income. In the past, I taught piano lessons throughout the week. But after #3 was born, nap time was too precious to be interrupted. Maybe I’ll pick that up again in the future, but things are a bit too busy now for that. (Plus, that’s at least 30 minutes of unsupervised time for the kids, which can be dangerous!)

This fall, I may be caring for a day care baby. I’m already on a young child schedule, and I love having babies around. If I just take in 1 baby, then I will not need any additional licensing or certification.

I’d really rather not go back to work when the kids are older. I specifically remember coming home from school (when I was in middle school and high school) and feeling a difference in the house between when Mom had been home at least for the afternoon and when Mom had to work full time. When Mom had been home at least part of the day, there was a peace. Don’t know how else to describe it. And she was eager and able to really pay attention to us when we talked about our day. When Mom had to work full time, she was stressed when she got home because she had to cook dinner and tackle all the housekeeping tasks as well. The house didn't have as welcoming a feeling.

If I have to work, I’d hope to only have to do it part time. Ideally, I’d find something I could do from home – day care-ish or dictation or SOMETHING. Or maybe work part-time to accompany the school choirs. While I have a degree in education, at this time I’m not interested in getting into the classroom to teach.

Resources

Is there a resource that you have found most helpful to you with your child-rearing?

This is where I’m weak – I’m just kind of winging it. I know there are books out there about raising boys and girls and dealing with the different personalities. I guess I do better hearing stories from other people. I do get Focus on the Family parenting magazine and enjoy reading those articles.

Personalities

What are the different personality traits of your children? How does that affect their interaction with each other and your working with / training them on a daily basis? Have you learned any tricks of the trade for raising strong-willed children? (for example, getting them to obey when they don’t want to or feel like it?)

4-year old is independent in play but dependent on Mom and Dad in social situations. She’s very good at going off on her own to come up with some great imaginative play. She’s also a leader – if she’s with other kids or even visiting adults, she’ll tell everyone what to play and how to play. But when it comes to being out and about, she’s very clingy, especially to me. She tends to not make eye contact with people, especially new adults. She is strong-willed – when she wants to do something, it gets in her head and she will do it. And if she doesn’t want to do something, it’s really difficult, if not impossible, to get her to do it.

2 1/2 year old is compliant, social, and adventurous. He copy-cats what 4yo says and does, even picking up on her facial expressions. He’s a great play-partner for 4yo because he’ll do what she says. He can play well on his own with his own toys, but for the most part, he’d rather be with someone. His level of social-ness is absolutely adorable but also a bit frightening. He’ll walk up to anyone, say, “Hi. (announce his name) I’m 2.” I have to keep a close eye on him when we’re out in public for his protection. (What a sad world we live in, huh?) His adventurous / social combination is also quite dangerous because he will just wander off to explore new surroundings. He is all boy – jumping, throwing, banging heads, growling, stomping like a giant (not to throw a fit, just for fun). It’s really fun to see.

8 month old is social and, so far, seems really content to just be held and watch what’s going on. I wonder, though, if there’s a bit of strong-will in her as well. While she’s only 8 months old, she still can scream quite loudly if she doesn’t get her way or can’t have a toy or object that’s dangerous. For now, she can be distracted to focus on something else; hopefully, that’ll continue. Her screams are really piercing.

I’ve learned that whatever the personality, if I’m doing something with them or ask for help, the kids are much more willing to participate. As mentioned before, 4yo & 2 1/2 yo tend to play well together. I try to give them some separate play things to do (table games, etc) so that 2 1/2 yo can do stuff on his own, in his own way. While 2 1/2 yo doesn’t always want to clean up or do something, once we get him headed in that direction or get him started, he’ll plunge right in and cheerfully continue the task.

With 4 yo, I’ve learned that choices are the best thing for her. One example is for her bedtime routine. Every night, we tell her it’s bedtime. When I ask her to get dressed first, then head into the bathroom, she fights against it ‘cause she’s being told what to do. So, I’ve learned to tell her she has 3 things to do (pajamas, teeth, potty) and ask what she wants to do first. It’s a really smooth bedtime routine. I’m learning to continue these choice things into other parts of the day as well. There are times when she doesn’t get a choice (she has to take a nap, she has to sit at the dinner table whether she eats or not, ) but there’s quicker obedience when I determine what’s okay for choices for her and she gets to make the ultimate decision.

Schedules

How do you balance managing your home and training your children? Do you have a schedule? What does it look like? Do you focus more on one or the other, depending on the day?

For a while, I had a weekly To Do list of the cleaning things I needed to do each week. I’d go through and, whenever I had the urge to clean, I’d tackle a bunch of things. But then I’d burn myself out and stop and take a break for a few days (or the rest of the week). I would cross off some of the things from my list, but not everything was getting done each week. And my least favorite jobs were never getting done.

More recently, I’ve created a schedule to tackle one room (or set of rooms) per day, and each day I keep the kitchen cleaned up after each meal prep and meal, and each day I sweep all the hardwood floors. I try to start laundry in the mornings. Monday and Wednesday or Thursday are my main laundry days, but if I check to see if I can run at least 1 load a day, I can stay on top of it. Too, I’ve tried to keep to some sort of daily flow schedule so that the kids get a good chunk of my time. Here’s what I’ve got:

Morning Routine
- everyone wakes up (usually around 6:30, sometimes sooner, rarely later)
- everyone gets dressed
- breakfast
- breakfast clean-up, including unloading dishwasher and loading in dirty dishes
- Chore time – make beds, and 30 minutes on designated room for the day; kids help and/or play
- Circle time – change the calendar, learn a Spanish word, read a couple books, learn about
an animal or a country (Mondays are for the new Letter/Sound of the Week and to learn a new verse)
- Play time with Mommy – whatever the kids want to do, whether inside or outside. 8 month old
usually takes her morning nap (about 1 hour) during this time. Thank goodness for monitors so we can still head outdoors. This is also the time when we color, do crafts, go to the library on some days, or play Uno or Candyland.
- Snack time or lunch time, depending on the length of play

Afternoon Routine
- nap time (usually starts around 12:30 or 1:00 and ends around 3:30)
- I get to do my thing, which is usually taking a nap. 8 month old is getting really close to sleeping through the night, so I’m finding that I actually have time to do my own thing – read, computer time, Bible study, etc.
- Baking time / Play time with Mommy – whoever gets up first from naps gets to decide. Sometimes we bake cookies or banana bread; sometimes we do 1-on-1 play or reading time.
- Dinner Prep – kids do table games or watch a movie. Sometimes 4 year old will play a game on the computer. This time is important for me to be stress-free, so I usually keep the kids within eyesight and doing separate activities, which makes for less fighting.

Evening Routine
- Dinner & Family Reading Time
- Family Play Time – sometimes husband heads outside with the kids while I clean up. Sometimes we all go for a walk or play Frisbee outside. (Clean up then waits ‘til after kids’ bedtime.)
- Kids’ bath and/or bedtime.
- My turn to shower. Final kitchen clean up, run dishwasher, walk through house for quick clean-up.
- Time with husband – usually a movie or game.

Cleaning Schedule
Monday cleaning
– Kitchen (clean frig shelves, clean stainless appliances, wipe down cabinets); wash sheets Tuesday cleaning
– Bedrooms (vacuum floors, pick a shelf in a closet to organize, clean mirrors)
Wednesday cleaning
– Bathrooms (the usual); wash towels
Thursday cleaning
– Dining Room and Living Room (wash sliding door, dust piano and mantel and TV & entertainment center, wash windows, take apart and wipe down 8 month old’s high chair); mop floors
Friday cleaning
– catch up day if I missed any day for whatever reason; check for cobwebs (creepy!), file away the paper pile(s), iron clothes (this job is my least favorite and piles up quickly, so I try to iron 5 items each week.)
Weekends
– play time! I keep up with the kitchen clean up around meal time and sweep, but I really don’t want to have to do any laundry or cleaning.


Okay. SO…that’s the ideal. I like this schedule because it really gives the kids a lot of my time (and keeps them from causing each other a lot of trouble, for the most part). The cleaning is getting done but doesn’t require hours of time each day. Keep in mind, I’ve just created this schedule in the past week or so. I’m doing an okay job of sticking to it so far; we’ll see how it goes over the next couple of weeks.

What's YOUR answer?

Calling All Moms

Lately, I’ve had a strong urge to really get a grip on this Mothering and Housekeeping thing. So I thought I’d take a poll and find out what you’re doing that works! I have a heap of questions. And more keep coming to mind. Some of the questions are just for curiosity's sake; some are for educational purposes. I'm going to tackle a couple questions at a time and give my answer. PLEASE comment so that I can hear your thoughts, down to the nitty-gritty details, if you’re up for it.

Thanks for your perseverance and patience with these questions! How I wish we could all get together to compare notes in person! Maybe someday, huh? Thanks again!