Do/Did you and your husband debate over the “how many children should we have” question? How was it resolved?
We’re currently in the middle of this debate. My husband is a bit overwhelmed right now with 3. (For those of you who don’t know, we were on the 5-year plan – we had talked about waiting ‘til after we’d been married for 5 years before we had kids. Well, we just celebrated our 6th anniversary last month. We dropped our 3 kids off at Mom’s house and headed to dinner.) :)
I’ve always wanted 4 or 5 kids; I like the idea of lots of kids in the family. I’m not sure how this debate will be resolved. I’m wondering if this is one of those situations where I need to follow my husband’s lead and submit to his authority. It breaks my heart to think of being done having kids. But I can’t parent without my husband being sane and alongside me.
Any thoughts?
(I hope this isn't too sensitive or private a question. I'm looking for some guidance in how to resolve this for us.)
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5 comments:
It's something that we talked about BEFORE we were married...I think it is a sensitive issue, if you haven't approached it before hand. People's minds change, but usually, you stick to a number close to what you originally thought!
My parents, at 17 and 18 years old, knew they both wanted to have SIX children...and, THEY DID! ;) It amazes me!
Shad & I agreed we would both want to have 3-5 children...I know that is a range, but we knew we'd like to have at least three...and, we both are probably more lenient to the bigger end. I are so blessed to have the one we have, and another on the way...and even though we have our own children, we'd both like to adopt one day as well...we'll see what happens!
My mother has always said that two is never enough, three is an odd number, and so you should at least have four! ;) I think she's a little biased on her opinion, but if you are going to have a family, you may as well REALLY have a family!
Not sure that is really much advice, but really...we got pregnant with number two, and about two months after that, when Jacob started the "terrible twos" at 17 and a half months, I told my husband, "Good thing we are already expecting, because if you asked me today if I wanted to have another one, I'd tell you no." You don't know what you can handle...but, the Lord does...I think, even with the best laid HUMAN plans...not matter what you think you want, if the Lord sees to it that you can handle it & blesses you with it, you'll have the family you are meant to have!
Funny question Karen....I actually think I may be qualified to answer this one as we've debated for several years! We have 3 now and I'm pregnant with 4th (after this one we are all done). After the 3rd we thought we were finished for a while anyway, then the 'urge' started again and we kept going back and forth. Our kids were at good ages, could go and do more, they were self-sufficient to a degree, all potty trained, etc...there were millions of 'little' reasons to be finished and no real 'big' reasons not to be. But I couldn't help but compare...when we were ready to get married or at least knew we were going to, we 'just knew' (we actually knew after about date number 2 or 3 but that's another post), again and similarly when we were ready to start having kids, we just knew! Don't know what 'it' was, but 'it' was there and we knew we were ready to start, it took a year but was worth every second. Well when we were talking about not having anymore, I didn't have 'that' feeling that I was done and honestly neither did Ty. Don't get me wrong a few months back when I peed on that stick I was a little (ok a lot) shocked when 2 lines appeared and I'll admit it, I did re-read the instructions a few times to make sure I seeing it properly. But it was a very happy shock and Ty just grinned from ear to ear and said well I guess God knows what he's doing and knew all along! ;o) Sometiems I just wish He'd share with me...not that I need to give my input but just so I know what's ahead! ha ha ha
Jason and I have had this same talk so many times now I've lost count. I've always wanted at least four and he wanted two so we compromised on having 3. Well we have one so far and I still want a big family. Jason went through a time of being certain that 2 was plenty, in order for us to give enough attention to the kids there shouldn't be too many, was his argument. Lot's of prayer and thoughts have surrounded this question. I don't pray that he would change his mind I just pray that we would be of the same mind and that both of us would feel peace and joy with our decision. Well a few weeks later he came to me and said something like this: Children are God's main way of blessing those who belong to him, so why shouldn't we long for and have a large family if God is willing to give it to us? My heart leaped with joy at his words!! Mind you there are days when Levi is a handful and I wonder at my sanity for wanting a whole bunch of kids, but then I remember that they won't all be babies at the same time and what fun it will be to see them all grow up! So right now we don't say a number when someone asks us. We say we'll take one at a time (hopefully) and take it from there. We've also talked about adopting after we've had some of our own. So I don't have a clue how many we'll end up with, but we are building a house with plenty of room for little ones and trying to keep an open mind about it.
Karen I would suggest that you just pray for unity between you and your husband and be willing to wait it out and just see what the Lord will do. I know how you feel though. The thought of only having one more baby made me cry! You are such a wonderful mother and I really admire the way you are raising your little ones, I hope you'll get to have many more =0)
Remember that the LORD knows your heart and your desires and knows what is best for you and your family.
Before we were married we discussed having 3 or 4 kids. After having our 3 children closer together than we would have planned (they're 4,3,1) we officially decided three is enough for us! Caring for kids is a lot of hard work and just the thought of adding another one to the family for us seemed overwhelming. Sometimes I thought maybe I could have another one, but my husband for sure only wanted three once we had our three. As the leader and authority over the home, I would have a hard time going against his wishes especially on such a life changing, permanent decision. Now if I really thought God wanted us to have more I would be praying for God to reveal it to my husband. Every family is so different and God knows what is best for each family and I believe he'll give you peace about whatever decision you and your husband decide- at least He did for us and I couldn't be happier with the freedom and peace it brought to us as a couple!
First, I'd like to say that I think in your particular case, Karen, that Sam may change the way he feels about it all once your youngest is actually more self-sufficient, which means that older two are even more able and not needing constant supervision and help. That will make a huge difference. Your three are pretty close in age, afterall.
For Mark and myself, we decided that after three, we were happy to have more if the Lord wants us to, but that we would adopt a child who needs a family rather than putting me through all that again:) It was a peaceful decision, though hard simply because it's emotional. Both of us wanted to have a whole bunch of kids just to see who we might get to meet and love! However, we haven't regretted our decision to stop. By the way, I know the baby stage can be exhausting, but as they get older, the issues and hard things get more complicated, not easier. So keep that in mind!
--Meghan
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