Do you do date nights with your husband? What are some examples of what you do for those? How has communication with your husband changed since children, if at all? How do you maintain your relationship?
My husband and I do not have scheduled date nights. However, my mom usually watches the older 2 kids on Wednesday nights while we go to small group. (8 month old sticks with us still.) So the drive to and from small group is some "us" time for adult conversation without interruption. Time during small group is also much more focused for us on “grown up” stuff. Every now and then we set up a date night. If we can, we like to go play racquetball. For our anniversary, we went out to dinner. (Just the two of us! I nearly reached out to cut up my husband's food because I didn't know what to do with myself.) Another date night we enjoy is the outdoor theater. There’s one about an hour away, so if we leave at the right time, the drive will sometimes get the kids to fall asleep and we can pull in to watch the movie.
Communication has changed tremendously! It’s a whole different world with kids running around and needing attention. It just is. I don’t know how to describe it. One thing that I do value greatly is that, since we’ve been married, my husband comes home for lunch. Every day. Lately, he’s been able to come home after I put the kids down for naptime, so it’s mostly uninterrupted. Lunchtime has been an incredible way for us to connect and share what our days have been like so far. I feel like it’s helped us to really stay a part of each other’s very different lives – mine at home with kids and his out in the world with lots of people.
How do we maintain our relationship? Hmmm…well, we were friends before we started dating, so friendship is the basis for our relationship. We often have a game of Phase 10 going, whether we play a few phases over lunch and pick up the rest of the game in the evening or whatever. We have a Frisbee golf course in our yard, so our evenings with the kids are often spent wandering around the yard. Laughter is the key. If I’m not laughing with him about things that should be funny, I know our relationship is off (at least on my end) and something needs to be done. In the past, too, we’ve done a devotional together before bedtime. Even having 10 minutes to focus on a verse and talk about what we each think has made a big difference in our relationship. (Lately, we haven’t been doing the devotional because I go to bed early and he goes to bed late.) :)
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6 comments:
OK KAREN-- that's like five questions, not just one! seeing as how it's past midnight, I'll have to get back to you on that one! Hasta noche!
--Meghan
Wow that is a loaded question or rather questions... Before we had a baby we had regular friday night date night but now we have friday night "family night" it means a casual easy dinner, so I don't have to spend much time in the kitchen and a movie or game. We do however trade babysitting with some other couples. We watch their kid or kids one evening and then they watch ours for an evening. It's not scheduled or regular but we probably get out every two or three weeks just the two of us.We usually put the baby to bed before we leave, that way he doesn't even know we are gone, obviously this won't work forever but for now it's nice! We find it really important to have "us" time. Since we put the baby down for the night at 7pm we get plenty of time to get caught up on our days and just relax together. I usually leave dinner clean up (except putting leftovers away)for the morning so that we can savor our time together better. This will probably change when we have more children and I have a real kitchen. =0)
Our communication has had to change since the baby has come along. We have to really work hard at talking things out. We want to model a peaceful home for our family and harmony between me and my husband and that takes consious effort. I try to always stop what I'm doing and give him a hug and kiss goodbye and hello when he leaves for work and comes home. We also try to go see him at his work occasionally, which is a nice treat for all of us! We also try to have at least one day a week, usually sundays, where it's just family time. No work, no laundry, no commitments (unless unavoidable). It's a great time to relax and my husband and I usually end up having great conversations building up our marriage. We started this when we were dating and it's stuck. sunday's are "plant" days. If we have an issue or something we really want to talk about we bring it up on sundays. We also pray together often, sometimes before he leaves for work in the morning and sometimes in the quiet evenings.
We have a tradition that we always get up together and go to bed together! It helps us feel connected and on the same page. Sometimes it means going to bed a little earlier than you'd want or getting up earlier than you'd want but it's a nice way to start the day and to end it. But that is just something my husband has always wanted to do, not everyone agrees to it.
Tanja
Sorry -- didn't mean to overwhelm everyone with the questions! I typed up the first one and the rest just stumbled out right with it.
Tanja -- That's cool that you can alternate babysitting with others. What a great idea! We've talked about doing that with some friends. I like the "family night" and "plant day" ideas. There's got to be freedom in knowing there's a set day where issues can be brought up and it's understood that the other person is willing to listen and work through it!
Yes, we have date nights...they aren't regularly scheduled, but when MIL can watch the little guy, or offers, we certainly take her up on it. There have been times when she is out of town, that we have hired someone to watch the little guy as well. It's IMPORTANT to have time together alone...my parents taught me that as well, especially after their separation. They would have a standing date night on Monday nights, while I watched the children (siblings, but I call them, "the kids"...yes, my friends would give me a hard time about that!) It allows us to have uninterrupted time together, and it's important.
Because I like to get him into bed earlier, we do have time in the evenings, I hope to continue that as we have more children...early bed times are GOOD for kids...and for the adults as well. When grandma was staying with us, the home health nurse that would come in did give me a few pieces of advice, which I agreed with & knew already, but it was nice to hear...one, putting the kids to bed by 8pm to have time with your spouse...the other, that they must do their chores before coming to the dinner table. His children ALWAYS eat & their rooms & things are always picked up! Good advice!
I don't feel like our communication has changed that much...yeah, you have to find times to talk, etc...but, my husband is always available if I need him while he is at work (most of the time)...as am I when he calls me...we have open communication about everything, and when you have that, usually not even children can spoil it! :)
We don't often have time alone (every couple of months for an evening or something) so we try to steal little moments away together when the children are engrossed in other activities. Somehow they always seem to find us pretty quick, though! One idea that has been really helpful to us is we have committed to one special "alone time" night a month. I feed the kids a quick, early dinner and then Brian and I enjoy an adult meal and conversation together while the kids watch a video in the next room. This has been WONDERFUL! The kids even think it's great too, because I put out a tablecloth, candles and special dishes and they get to eat their dinner there, too. So it's win-win! And we just try to find little ways to show our love to each other in the midst of the noise and activity- hugs, holding hands, flirting etc.
This is kind of a tough one. We don’t have regularly scheduled date nights. We have gone out on our own a handful of times but it’s difficult and here’s why~Byron gets home from work around 5:00pm and Mackenzie goes to bed at 8:00pm. That leaves only 3 hours for him to spend with his daughter during the weekdays. He is more reluctant to go out than I am since her hasn’t seen her all day and would rather that the 3 of us hang out. I, on the other hand, am with Mac all day, every day so the idea of going out on our own is a lot easier. That doesn’t mean we don’t do it, we just don’t do it too often. I think not having family around is somewhat of a factor too. We have great friend who are always willing to babysit but it’s just not quite the same as family. When we do go on our own we will go fishing or out for dinner. We haven’t been to a movie in a long time but that’s not really something I miss.
I don’t think our communication with each other has really changed much~we’ve always struggled with being “good” communicators but we continue to work on it. After Mac goes to bed is when we will talk about stuff over a game of cards or some kind of game on TV (sports). I do believe that time together is important…you just have to be creative about it sometimes!
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