Do you have any set “you” time? If so, what do you do during that time? OR…do you find that you just need to focus on kids and family at this time and skip “you” stuff? Is one way healthier than the other?
Hmmm…I don’t know if one way is healthier than the other. From January to April, I was able to take a Precept class at church. It meant I left the house for one evening a week for 2 hours. My husband took care of the older 2 kids at home while I took the baby to class with me. It was really good to be able to get out of the house and focus on a class like that. I hope to do that again this next semester, if possible. Hopefully I’ll be able to go on my own and not take any kids along so I can really focus on the class. It’s tough, too, though because I missed out on the bedtime routine with the kids.
I teeter between these two ideas. On the one hand, I can see where a woman could lose her identity in motherhood if she never had alone time or a break from time with the kids. On the other hand, I think a woman could easily become selfish and focus on her own things instead of focusing on her job at hand – raising the kids and caring for her family. I think, at this time, I tend to lean toward the idea that I need to really focus on the kids and my family for now. My husband has offered alone time for me if I wanted to leave the house, but I have no idea what I’d do or where I’d go! The current schedule we’re on also is a lot less stressful, so I’m not feeling anxious or overwhelmed. Praise the Lord for that!
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8 comments:
I too was of the impression that family was always first and I didn't need "me" time. But I had a little break down when my baby was 10 months old. I felt tied down and super guilty for wanting time away from any responsibilities. My husband was super supportive. I don't really go out just for me but I do have a once a month "girls"night. I get together with my two best friends after I nurse my baby for the night (usually around 6 or 6:30)and my husband puts him to bed. I get to stay out as long as I want and I come home refreshed and excited. I don't feel too badly about leaving since the baby goes to bed at 7 and my husband loves having a little one on one time with his son. I also occasionally go out to a movie or something with a friend but mostly it's the once a month get togethers. I find it really gives me the little bit of freedom that I crave without compromising my family time.
tanja
I totally agree that I need "me" time! I think if it gets to the point of selfishness, then pull back and check your heart. But otherwise, getting out and meeting with people or doing something for just you is refreshing to your soul and keeps it from getting "stagnant". I think we need to keep new experiences in our lives coming so we can stay interesting to our spouse! That's what I need. And I know my girls just love their "daddy time". I think it's important to give that to them. Sometimes, we will take just one child with us when we go out, and that is a sweet sweet time of getting to know that one child better.
--Meghan
Tanja -- How cool that you and your husband have worked out a way for you to get out! Are you a night person? Just wondered 'cause when you said you get to stay out as long as you want and come home refreshed, I got to thinking that that wouldn't do it for me. If possible, I'd want to go somewhere in the morning, first thing, and then I'd come home refreshed. Interesting.
Meghan -- Thanks for helping me see that there can be a balance, and that finding that balance is something within my own control. Again, I'd never thought about needing to stay interesting to my spouse. It makes sense, though. And "Daddy Time" could be really cool. That makes it seem less selfish than asking for "me time." (Or is it manipulative to change the title to get the same desired affect?)
I know that I need "me" time...even if it is simply to get out of the house & shop without my little guy! Even getting out a few nights a month to party (I mean, work my Pampered Chef) is great for me! I am definitely a person that likes to be busy & doing something...so, just getting out to do things without my little guy, that's refreshing! I think that we are better women & mothers when we get a little time for ourselves. Most of the time, that is during naps, being able to surf the web without interruption for me! I try to do this when my baby is sleeping, and now while he is awake...I don't want him to think that the only thing his mom does is sit on the computer! ;)
If I didn't have ME time (and I have no shame in calling it ME time), I think I might wither away. I agree, it helps us to be better mothers and wives and is almost insane NOT to do it. I think if we don't take time away, it has an unhealthy flavor to it, almost like "only I can do this right and they need me at all times" OR "If I take time away, I'm not doing my job". When have we had a job in the work world that didn't allow breaks?? It is sooo okay to take a break and it is a lie we're believing if we think we're not fulfilling our priorities. I work outside the home--now it is in order to pay the bills, but prior to that it was to help me be a better mom- and it helped me do that a lot!
I think taking some time away when you need is important and necessary. I usually save those times away for when I really really need a break (which doesn't happen too often) or if there is something I would really enjoy doing. My husband is willing to watch the kids, but if I can I usually try to do things away during naptime or at bedtime. It's amazing how much a trip alone to the grocery store during naptime can be so refreshing! :) I do struggle, though, with feeling guilty about leaving the kids with him and making him "work" when he is not at "work".
I don’t have set “me” time and if I did, like you Karen, I don’t even know what I would do! I love spending time with my family and I guess I don’t feel like I need it. There are times that I will go the grocery store on my own (or Byron will go and take Mackenzie) or I’ll take a half hour to run to the library and return books and pick out some new ones. Last spring I played the handbells on Thursday evenings and so that was something that I got to do on my own and I really enjoyed. I only missed a half hour of the day with Mac and it gave she and daddy a little alone time. I have gone to the valley by myself a couple of times and there is a very freeing and productive feeling about it only b/c I can get so much done in a shorter amount of time and Mac is getting worse at sitting through all of Wal-Mart while I stock up. I have some friends who get together for a girl’s night and that is fun too but I just don’t do much that takes me from my family very often and I feel like that works for me.
This is great encouragement. Before kids, we were both pretty good at taking the time we needed to refresh and recharge, both together and alone. Now we don't, in favor of family time. Between working and commuting, I'm usually away from the house for about 12 hours each weekday. Just the thought of taking even another 1/2 hour for me makes me feel guilty! But I have noticed that without that time - at the gym, walking outside, reading - my mind and body both suffer. I'm sure I'm not as attentive or caring as I should be for my family. So after this baby is born, I'm going to figure out a way to put me time back into my life. Thank you!
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