Meal Times

How do you deal with finicky eaters who will eat 2 bites and want to be done? Or those who refuse to even taste it because they’ve never eaten it before? Do you head into battle and make them eat? (If so, how do you accomplish that???) Or do you let them eat whatever they’ll eat and let them get down? If so, do you give them food later when they ask? Wait until the next meal?

We’re really looking for some suggestions here. Our 4 yo has foods she just really refuses to eat (rice, cooked veggies, oatmeal, etc). I sympathize with her because I was a picky eater growing up and had issues with texture. Sometimes she’ll say she doesn’t want to eat foods that we know she likes (or will like when she tries them). We either persuade her to eat by alternating us feeding her a bite and her feeding herself, or telling her how many bites she has left. Those little antics seem to help her clear her plate most of the time.

Our 2 yo is pretty much the opposite. He’ll try anything and likes most things, but we struggle to get him to sit at the table for more than 2 bites. (Not exaggerating.) He wants to get down and play. He refuses to open his mouth if we try to give him more food. As of the past two nights, my husband has been able to get 2 yo to eat sometimes 6 bites (*gasp*) and even nearly clear his plate by telling him that the bites will help him grow big and strong. Upon hearing that, he shows us his muscles and shoves a bite in his mouth. I think he’s tiring of that “trick” though.

If the kids don’t finish the food on their plates at mealtimes, then they don’t get any food until the next meal. Sometimes that helps them scarf down food, sometimes it doesn’t.

We’ve tried not to make the dinner table a battle zone because we want to enjoy the time there as a family. What do you do? Do you make sure the kids eat everything on their plates? Do you have any tricks to get them to eat?

Discipline

What form of discipline do you use? Do you spank? Use time outs? Slap hands? Other? If you spank, do you use something (to represent the rod) or do you use your hand?

We use a little bit of everything with discipline. Each kid has a different thing that works best. Most of the time, we don’t need to use spankings. But if one of the kids is being extremely defiant, we will spank. When we spank, it’s just one swat with our hand to their backside. Usually, just getting the kid away from the situation is enough.

Time-outs work really well with our social 2-yo. Being away from people is very tough on him. Time-outs aren’t as effective with our 4 yo because she can play wherever she is – her imagination goes with her even in time-out. Too, she is usually obedient and very helpful, so she rarely needs to be punished.

A couple times, we’ve slapped hands for when the kids push or hit each other. Though, I don’t feel right slapping a hand and saying, “Don’t hit!” There’s something a bit hypocritical about that, isn’t there?

Wordless Wednesday -- July 30

A couple days ago the kids were all racing up and down the hall. I thought it was fun that even 8 mo got in on the action.

Kelly's Question -- Make Believe

Do you 'allow' your kids to get caught up in the 'make-believe' of the holidays or not? Why? If you do, at what age do you 'tell them the truth' or do you let them figure it out on their own and then make sure you are there to answer the questions that are bound to follow?


I've heard the debate of 'if you lie about Santa why should they believe you about Jesus' or something like that. My response/feeling has always been that we will explain it as being something fun to do at the holiday (i.e. Easter, Christmas etc) but we would have the Bible to back us up on the 'truth' thing and the reason behind the holiday. Also we have always had fun with the 'fun part' but always always always made sure they knew the real reason for the celebration. We've done the Santa thing since they were babies and read the fun Christmas stories, baked cookies, written letters etc but made sure they understood it was ONLY a very small part of the celebration and the real reason we celebrate the time of year is to celebrate and rejoice in Jesus' birth! The same thing for Easter.

Then even harder is how does Halloween fit into the mix? I have a problem with Halloween, not really because of how it came into being a 'holiday' but more because I never liked dressing up, even as a child, so you can imagine how much I dislike it as an adult. We've always let our kids dress up and go trick-or-treating but we've always picked 'fun' cute costumes, Care Bears, Cheerleaders, Princesses etc. Well last year 4 yo was a skeleton, but Ty's a Chiropractor so that actually kinda seemed appropriate somehow. We've never allowed them to do the ghost, goblin, witch type costumes. I just don't agree with that! Honestly don't think Ty has a huge problem with it but supports me with my feelings of it. But is that going against what I just said about the other holidays?

I guess part of the reason we've done the 'fun' stuff (for lack of a better description) is first because Ty and myself did it as children, and we turned out alright (LOL) and second because it adds to the wonderment and imagination of being a child and believing in something that you cannot see, feel, or touch but you believe anyway. I think that is amazing and it's something that as adults, often times we lose b/c we have to be able to explain everything to a fault sometimes...ok now I'm rambling.

But I guess my real question here is, what do you do?

Kelly

Bedtime

What does your bedtime routine look like? How long does it take? How do you get rid of the energy bug and the delay bug and the I’ll-do-anything-to-not-go-to-bed-even-if-it’s-negative-attention bug?

Our bedtime routine has changed in the past couple of months.
What it used to be: My husband would head to the kids’ room to run around, wrestle, play with them. (One of the games our 4 yo made up was called “Ten Twan Cat.” It’s essentially a game of chase each other in circles around the room. But the name made it so much fun!) Then they’d play clean up time – my husband would call out a certain toy or a certain color and the kids would race to find it and put it away. Then pajamas, teeth, potty, a story or two, verse and prayer, and wha-la!

Sounds good, right? Well, except we think that the running around and playing actually got the kids wound up not worn out. Many, many times we’d head back to the room to tuck them back in, discipline if necessary, whatever. It’d be at least 2 hours later before they were really calmed down and sleeping. Yikes!

What it is now: After dinner, we play as a family or go for a walk or something in hopes of wearing out the kids a bit. We give the kids’ time increments for when bedtime is coming. “Ten minutes and then it’s time to get ready for bed.” That kind of thing. We let our 4 yo know the 3 things (pajamas, brush teeth, go potty) she needs to do to get ready for bed and she gets to decide in what order she’ll do them. My husband or I change 2 yo, help him brush his teeth, and then read/cuddle him to calm him down. He still gets out of bed several times in the evening, so we’re trying to cut back on that by giving him some time to lay by him. 8 mo is usually changed and nursed around this time, too. When 4 yo is ready, she’ll lay down in our bed to fall asleep. This helps relieve some of the goofing around that took place previously. I would love for the kids to be able to chat together at bedtime (since their beds are in the same room), but 2 yo (Mr. Social) sees it as another opportunity to play with big sister.

Most of the time, we're still quieting down kids, putting them back to bed, etc. Any tips for how to be able to just put them to bed and have them stay there and fall asleep?

Amy's Question -- Bathtime

How often do you give your kids a bath? At what age do you let them bath on their own?

I realize that you can't pin an age to this- it depends on the child because they have different personalities and abilities but for all of the moms out there who have already been to this phase- when did you let your kids bath on their own? I really dislike giving baths!!!! I try to avoid it at all costs, but they do need to get cleaned sometimes!!! Sometimes I read about people giving their kids a bath every day and I just can't imagine that! Do moms really do this??? I used to every other day, but now it has been a little longer between baths lately because I dislike it so much and they don't seem all that dirty. Of course, if they are noticeably dirty, I give them a bath more often- but I don't enjoy any minute of it!! The kids do fine and play and are happy- but I'm not too excited about it all! Any hints?

BTW- we have an extra large bathtub and I usually have all three kids in at once (ages 4, 3, 1) so they get more play time while they are waiting for the others to get cleaned. I've tried individual baths and even showers when we need to get it done quick- but all three together seems to be best for us.

Amy

Traditions

What are some traditions you’re building with your family?

We have some traditions for Christmas morning. I make sticky buns and fruit salad (a tradition handed down from my mom) in the morning, we read the Christmas story from the Bible, and then we open presents together (which can take all day because the kids enjoy each present after opening it).

For this past Easter, we did something similar to Resurrection Eggs with a 12-day countdown to Easter. Each day focused on a part of the Easter story. The kids LOVED it and could tell the Easter story to anyone who asked. I'm eager to do this every year.

Every fall, we do a Family Getaway Weekend. (Because summer is the busiest time for my husband’s business, we don’t do any family vacations during that season. Even fall can be busy for him, but we make sure to get away as a family for at least a weekend.)

Also in the fall, we head out to a pumpkin or apple farm. My mom and brothers and sisters-in-law have been able to join us; we make it a big event. It's a lot of fun, and the kids love picking out pumpkins. This year, we might try out a farm nearby that has this pumpkin launcher.

What do YOU do? Do you have any non-holiday oriented traditions?

Family Night

Do you do family nights? What do you do? How do you gear them to reach all the age levels in your family?

We do not do family nights, though I’d like to.

I’ve heard of some family nights where the family does a devotional that includes a game/activity to reinforce the topic/story from the Bible. That seems really cool to me. A couple things have kept us from doing that – age differences and attention spans are big factors.

I’m thinking that maybe we’ll claim one night of the week to be “family night,” where we eat a favorite meal and then play a game (CandyLand, Uno) together. We do often go on family walks or out in our yard after dinner, but I'm wondering if labeling a night would make it more special. Any thoughts?

Movies/TV

Do you let your children watch videos/movies? Are they only Christian movies? Do you restrict the amount of time they watch? What is that time? Are videos/movies strictly a reward or a family time event? How old are your kids when you let them start watching movies?

Yes, my kids watch movies. Sad to say, most of the winter was spent with movies constantly going. I used “recovering from a C-section” and “it’s too cold to play outside for a new baby” as my excuses. However, I cringed most of the time as the kids popped in the next movie. (Yes, they both know how to put in and take out movies with out scratching or breaking anything.)

More recently, movies are in the minority of our activities during the day. Granted, it helps that the weather is much nicer and I’ve recovered from surgery. :) Also, while the kids might start out watching a movie, they tend to walk away to go play before it ends.

Movies are huge aids to me while I have to be doing something that requires most, if not all, of my attention. (We don’t get any type of tv programming, not even basic channels. The mountains in town are in the way of the antenna that would reach our tv. Crazy, huh?) I tend to put movies on while I’m making dinner – I need the kids to be occupied during that time; I get easily stressed if I have to focus on making dinner AND try to keep the kids occupied.

I’ve always tried to wait for the kids to sit down and watch movies until they were at least 1 yr old. Our 8 mo might catch glimpses of a movie that’s on for the kids, but we don’t put her there intentionally to watch.

I’m pretty picky when it comes to movies the kids watch. We usually don’t watch Disney movies because they’re too frightening. And some people may think I’m being way too over-protective of the kids by being really careful about scary scenes. But my 4 yo has vivid dreams and night terrors, so I don’t want to add anything to that. I have an active imagination especially at night, so I’m very sensitive to scary things. When we check out movies from the library or get new ones, I’m usually watching the movie with them for the first couple times to help them through any parts that might be scary. We own Finding Nemo and Monsters Inc (more for me and my husband than the kids); if ever the kids want to watch, I sit there and skip through most of the scenes. The kids think those movies are only about 15 minutes long because of the skipping.

The movies we do watch are typically 20-30 minute long. Our library has quite an extensive collection of videos. We’ve enjoyed Magic School Bus, Diego, Dora, Little Einsteins, Blues Clues, Peep, Bear in the Big Blue House, some Baby Einstein, and Veggie Tales. I sit there and watch the videos with the kids for the first couple times and interact with them by laughing, asking questions, pointing things out, etc. Even Veggie Tales has some weird ones out there that aren’t age appropriate for the kids.

What do you do? Anything you recommend?

Character

What are some of the most important traits you hope to develop in your children? How are you going about accomplishing that?

Oh good grief! These are some huge questions. Who came up with these anyway?!?

I guess this question really comes down to how you handle character training. I’m starting to realize that the quickest, easiest way to teach the kids how to do something is to do it with them. And I’m also seeing that the quickest, easiest way to teach the kids how to be or act is to be that way myself. Yikes! It’s so intimidating to think about it, however true it may be.

So, let’s see…the most important traits…hmm…well, the Bible touches on this a little bit, so…all those traits in the Bible. That’s what I want for my kids. :)

Okay, so on a day-to-day basis, the biggest things I’m currently working on is sharing and giving. But it’s not any intense training I’m putting the kids through. We just go through the mantra, “If there are kids at the library, we … ?” 4 yr and 2 yr shout out “SHARE!” Same thing for if friends come to our house. “When our friends come over, we … ?” “SHARE!” “While we’re in the nursery and class, we … ?” “SHARE!” I’m hoping that maybe this is a step in direction toward developing selflessness. What do you think?

(Last night while the kids were playing with the train set up at a Barnes ‘n Noble, I overheard 4 yo remind 2 yo, “You need to share and that’s what you did when you let that girl have your train.”)

The giving thing may not be anything major. We’ve bundled up a couple packages/gifts for long-distance families. The kids have gotten excited about it and talk about the process of making cookies, coloring pictures, packing up the box, etc. While gift-giving may not necessarily be a character trait, I like that there’s joy in the giving. We also sponsor a Dalit child, and we talk about giving money each month to help her out. I’m not sure they get the overall concept, but they at least see her face and know there’s someone out there that needs help.

Help me out here. Am I on the right path? I know I could be doing more, but what? Is there any sort of curriculum / book / something that’s helped you with this?

Playtime

Do you keep your children busy with tasks and organized play throughout the day? Or do you let them play freely without guidance or restriction? What’s your reasoning behind that?

I always thought that kids should just play freely; that’s just what they do. You wake up, the kids go off and play while you clean and do whatever. However, over the past few months when I’d let my oldest two (4 and 2 ½) play while I went off to do chores, reading, or other things, more often than not there was screaming and pushing and crying. That made for long, frustrating days.

I read somewhere that some moms are always within close proximity to their children to be able to curb any potential problems before they really become problems. They literally keep their children within arm’s reach all day long. That seemed a bit much to me, but my way didn’t seem to make for a happy household, so I thought I’d give it a try.

It didn’t last very long. I think within the first hour, I realized that I didn’t have enough organized, planned things to do with the kids, and I didn’t want to follow them around like their shadows. Also, what if they want to do two separate things? Should I stick with the one and let the other one go free? There are probably good answers for these questions, and it might be a plan that works well for families. I decided to tweak this idea a bit, though.

My schedule/routine helps me a lot. I ask the kids to help me with chore time, and we have some play times together where I’m available (scheduled) to join in the play or I work on the room they’re playing in. Sometimes the kids are playing really well together and I don’t want to interrupt that! I just keep an ear on them while I’m cleaning or whatever. As soon as I start to hear the emotion of the play change, I head in (which in and of itself can resolve things). Other times, I implement table games – I either put the kids at separate locations (1 at dining room table, one at kitchen counter) or both at the table, depending on how they’re acting toward each other. I’ll give each of them a toy, book, doodle, project that they can work on at the table. This can last for up to 30 minutes, depending on the table game. Then we’re ready to go on to the next thing, whether it’s more chore time, playing together, lunch, etc.

Things have been a lot more peaceful around here. Yes, they’re still kids and siblings and so there will still be moments of trouble, but it’s been reduced some and that’s wonderful! I have to keep my mindset in check and remember to be available to them. I haven’t perfected my plan-of-attack, but it’s getting there. What do you do?

(Ooh! One more thought. I’ve noticed that I don’t hear the “I’m bored” comment as much anyway. Maybe having some organized/structured time has helped so that when they have free time, their toys are more appealing. Just a thought.)

Don't give up!

Hey, All! I know it's been a while since I've posted, commented, etc. This past week has been kind of weird with scheduling and stuff.

Check back later today/tomorrow. I'm hoping to have time this afternoon/evening to get back on here for a bit! And don't you worry...I have a heap more questions coming your way! :)

I LOVE reading what you all have to say. It's very encouraging to know other Moms have questions / struggles / concerns with how we live and raise kids!! Thanks for joining in!

Meghan's Question -- Appearance

I HAVE A QUESTION! I wonder about all you gals out there. Do you think much about your appearance, and how that reflects your personality? Is it something that you think about a lot? Hardly? Could care less? I am trying to find the balance between taking care of myself, being attractive to my husband, and having fun with fashion without it consuming too much of my mind. I'd be happy to hear from you and your enlightening comments. Meghan



One response:
HI girls! I don't know that I have the 'right' answer but I can tell you what I do....it's def easier as the kids get older to do something with yourself more consistentaly. It was really really hard when they were all small (they are 7.5, 6, & 4 now..oh and 1 on the way!)I know when they were young, toddlers and smaller, I was thrilled that I got to shower much less anything else, very sad days when I couldn't even remember when the last shower was! lol When I was home with them all day when they were little, I had a rule that I tried hard to stick to. First, to try to be dressed in some way by 10am, a lot of the time it gravitated closer to 11 but I tried; and second I tried to keep the comfy clothes, like track pants or leggings or the like, to only 1 or 2 days a week and to wear 'real' cloths the rest. I found that the sloppier I dressed the more tired, crabby, down, etc I felt and that when I took the time to 'get ready' even if just a little I felt worlds better about myself. I do wear makeup and have for ever it seems but I can do it in less than 10 minutes and it makes a huge difference in how I feel. Anyway, now tho that they are all in school for a few hours it's a lot easier! For me, I try to balance it with functionality--i.e. high heels, no matter how in-fashion they are just aren't practical on the school/grocery runs ;o)--comfort and trying to be somewhat fashionable, in my mind anyway. No matter what I will always have a main staple of good ol blue jeans, in fashion or not, though thankfully I think they stay most of the time. My hubby is pretty good about telling me when I look nice and letting me know, nicely as possible if he doesn't care for something in particular. As an example he hates track pants, I still wear them around the house sometimes but I really try to not wear them very often (even pregnant) and not around him if I can help it. Don't get me wrong, he doesn't care at home, just not out in public much. Anyway...that's my 2cents worth, if it's even worth that! Hope it helps someone....kelly

Toys

Do you have too many toys? How do you regulate that, if at all? Have you ever wanted to ask family members to not give so many toys as gifts? Have you gone through with it? What was their response?


Yes, we have too many toys. I should probably sort through them to do throw away / give away / sell / keep piles. Any suggestions for what determines which toy goes in which pile?

We currently are doing a toy rotation. Some toys are in bins in the attic. After 4 or 5 months, we’ll box up most of the toys that are in the kids’ room now (except for the favorites that are near and dear) and bring down the toys from the attic. That gives the kids an opportunity to play with their toys as if they were new all over again. I’m hoping, too, that as we continue this rotation, I’ll be able to more easily sort through the toys. The thing is, though, I don’t want to ditch all the baby toys, because 8 mo will probably like to play with them, too, as she gets older. So, I'm afraid my collection will keep growing until the last child has passed up the age level for a toy.

I have been VERY tempted to ask family members to not give toys as gifts. It’s difficult, though, because I very much appreciate their generosity. I believe that kids don’t need a lot of toys and that their imaginations allow them to play really well with just about anything. I’m contemplating making up a gift list (which some relatives have asked for) with consumable items such as magazine subscriptions, stickers, paint books, etc. Please help me…what do you think about this?

Vacations

What do holidays and vacations look like? Do you have set places that the family is excited to go to and visit regularly? Or do you go to a new place every time? Do you do vacations that aren’t tied to visiting family? For holidays, do you alternate with his family and yours? Or do you keep your holidays for your own family unit?

**I didn't try to load up this question. I was just looking for questions that might help guide your answer. Let me know if you think I need to only have one question mark per post. :)


It seems that any vacation time we have we use to go to visit with family. For the past 2 years, though, we’ve taken a family weekend getaway in the fall. Those have been fun times for us to stay in a hotel for a night or two and explore a different town within our state. We really look forward to those times!

We’d like to use vacation to travel and see some National Parks, San Diego Zoo, Disneyland, etc. But we’ll have to wait and see if/when that can happen with my husband’s work schedule and the kids ages. (Speaking of...do you do major road trips with your kids? What are good ages, do you think, to go see some of these big vacation destinations??)

Every five years, my mom’s cousins get together for an Olson Family Reunion. One of four family groupings (descended from my grandfather and his 3 siblings) takes turns to plan the locations, place, events, etc for that vacation. Since we’ve been married, my husband has been able to participate in 2 reunions. It’s an absolute blast seeing distant cousins (not sure if they’re called 2nd and 3rd cousins, or twice- and three-times removed), and watching the families grow. So, every five years, we have our vacation planned for us! We just need to save the $ to get there.

With my family living so close, we celebrate quite a few holidays together – Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas. Though, I wonder if those holiday get-togethers may change since both of my brothers are now married and their in-laws live close by. We are very protective of our Christmas Day. We like to have that time just for us. Because of the physical distance between the members of my husband’s family, they only seem to get everyone together once a year. For the past 2 years, we’ve celebrated Christmas with them over the New Year weekend because that’s the best for everyone’s schedules.