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8 comments:
I understand the role of a mother when her son is an infant. The feeding/changing/caring-for parts of the role seem quite obvious.
But at what age/stage is cuddling too much? How do you know if you're holding him back from growing into the boy God made him to be? (Because, while it may be "a boy thing" to throw things and jump off the highest heights, aren't we to still impose limits and discipline for disobeying those limits?)
i don't have sons...
bad post for me to start chiming in on, huh?
i'll wait for something more along the lines of my life....
GIRLS!!!!!!!
:)
Well I'm not sure that I'm the best authority on this, I have 3 girls and 1 boy. As you have said before there is most definitely a big difference on how they go about doing things, solving problems and even just doing day to day things...I've watched them brush their teeth and the girls will neatly put toothpaste on the brush, close the lid, put it in the cabinet. DS will hold the toothpaste about 12inches above the brush and hope some of it falls on the brush, leaves the mess on the cabinet along with the toothpaste and the dirty (not rinsed off) toothbrush when he's finished.
As far as our jobs in their growing up. I think one thing we are there to teach them how to do is care for themselves. I teach DS to cook just like DDs, he helps fold clothes, he has to make his bed or at least attempt it, help clean up his toys in his room--although if he can convince the girls to do it for him he sure does try! He also helps sort the laundry and put the soap in the washer or the wet clothes into the dryer. I think its important for the boys to know how to do domestic jobs too. I think its awesome that my hubby can cook and do it well! Sometimes though it feels like Ty's role is far more grander over all than mine.....i.e. he teaches Dagan the 'manly' stuff like camping and hiking and building stuff but also how to be the leader of a family, how to pray for the family and how to be a 'Godly' husband and father. For the girls, he teaches them what to look for in a future husband, how to expect to be treated by that boyfriend/husband, what's acceptable and whats NOT! All of those things affect the rest of their lives...thats big!
My job as a caregiver is especially big when they are young but maybe it goes further than that too, I'm teaching them how to care for others too. By teaching them not to lie, they learn integrity. When we praise them, it is builing up their confidence in themselves; when we love them we are showing them how to love others.
I'm not exactly sure how much help I am to you Karen...I tend to ramble....haha To answer your question though, yes you most definitely have to impose limits, it one thing when the highest hight is a chair he's jumping off of, its entirely different when its the roof! And yes I believe you have to discipline for disobeying but something that I'm learning, begrudgingly, is that the limits might be much different than it is for the girls. DS's 'inside' voice is still significantly louder than the girls' inside voice, but he tries...and running in place is not the same as running through the house (which he isn't allowed to do)...we're all still learning... :o) Hope that helps a little!
I think about this a lot. And I pray that I do this job well. I really want my boys to be men of God and truly sincere and genuine. I want them to be selfless and kind and loving. I want them to be able to look around at the people around them, recognize needs and go above and beyond to help them. High hopes huh? This is my prayer! I'm going to love on them until it's "not cool" and then continue to love on them :) I'm not going to rush them to growing up and being men...they are still my boys!
I think I just might be the oldest to chime in here and although I would love to say that I did a wonderful job and made no mistakes in raising my son the fact of the matter is that I stumbled, a lot and I fell flat on my face a number of times. I wondered how I would raise my children alone after my husband walked out on us -especially my oh so very sensitive son – to this day he is one of the most sensitive people I know – at 30 he stills puts his arm around my shoulder when we walk downtown and at the end of a phone conversation or a visit he stills says “I love you mom”- to this day I still hug him like crazy and I never want him to forget how blessed I am for the gift God gave me in him – but I can’t take the credit for the way he turned out – there needed to be balance - the balance came when Mike came into our life! I am mom and we tend to hug and kiss and do all that mushy stuff – when he was growing up I was not his friend – he had enough of those – I was his mom and yes I worried when he played football, wrestled and started climbing (boy did I put Tommy Caldwell through the wringers before I allowed my son to go climbing with him) and I still worry about him to this day – I held him responsible for doing his homework and cleaning his room. As I stated earlier, the balance came when God brought Mike into our lives – Shannon needed a father – there needs to be balance when raising children and although I did not truly understand the need at that time I do now – I watch the interaction between Mike and Shannon now and I see mutual love and respect for each other – I use to think Mike was to hard on him and there were times when he was but Mike helped raise a son and he brought balance to the gift of raising our children . Karen there will be times when you make mistakes and there will be times when you question everything you do but trust me God’s plan for raising children is perfect and where we fail He shines – His plans for us are “for our good” - love them, hug them, kiss them and know there is a difference between raising girls and raising boys and the balance comes from the parents… Just my thoughts on the subject. :-)
I've got a great book on this Karen, "bringing up boys"by dr. dobson
Jason and I have been reading through it and man has it been helpful. I do think that the Father plays a bigger part in raising his son to be a man but a mother can do a lot too.
I won't go into it all now just read the book! It gave me a lot of insight on raising our boy, or at least prepared me somewhat for what's ahead of us. =)
I agree with the comment by: jasontanja. I have also read Bringing up Boys by Dobson. If you know anything about Dobson, you know he is very conservative, but in a world that has gone completely the other way, it is good to hear fresh advice sometimes.
I loved reading about advice from an older mom... Thanks, KPARKS.
We have Bringing up Boys! Now I just need to go find it and read it!
Sam had me read Wild at Heart a while back. I need to keep some of those basic ideas in mind when raising my son.
Kelly -- I smiled at your comment about your son having a louder inside voice than the girls; ain't that the truth?! And they tend to have more risky boundaries than the girls, too. It's nerve-wrecking at times, but it sure is amazing to see how God made the boys and girls to be so different!
Kim -- Thank you for sharing your story and your heart!
MB -- I second that -- my son is stuck with me loving on him no matter how old he is! And how great that you look at the big picture, qualities we want for them to have! And then to pray for those things to happen!
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