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5 comments:
My 2 yo must have a sign on him somewhere that says, "Pick on me!" Anywhere we go where there can be interaction between kids of different ages, my little boy is the target for bullies. He's been pushed over intentionally several times on several different occasions by kids that are 3 and 4 years older than him!
Besides consoling him and moving him away from the situation, should I be taking more pro-active steps in these situations? Should I confront the bullies? Should I try to locate the parents of said bully and let them know?
On a different note, I've seen situations here at home where 4 yo girl will bully 2 yo and just antagonize him. I've tried to be in close proximity to keep an eye out for it and I've separated them during the day to try to stop those situations. But I'd like some pointers for what to do to help 4 yo see that she is being just downright mean and that's not a good thing. I understand the tendency because I have had those inclinations sometimes as well to just be mean. (It's something I'm working on and God is faithfully helping me get that behind me.) Any verses? punishments? suggestions?! Please!
This sounds like a tricky situation. I don't necessarily have a lot of experience or advice, but I do have 2 verses that your 4 yo could memorize to help her remember to be kind:
Proverbs 17:17a "A friend loves at all times."
Proverbs 12:20b "There is joy for those who promote peace."
I have been really surprised at the outcome of my kids learning verses. There are many situations where I can say (for example) "what does God say about a happy heart." And they (3.5 yo and 2 yo) will say Provers 15:13a "A happy heart makes the face cheerful." I shouldn't be surprised that God's word is the answer to many of our household dilemas. :-)
My kids tend to bully each other at times- especially my almost 5 yr old boy to my almost 4 year old girl- by chasing her around and yelling and hitting her with a foam sword (typical boy types of things that annoy her (and me!)). I have been trying to teach verses like Nicole mentioned and that has really seemed to help. Also, I try to not look so much at the action, but get him to see what is in his heart. For example- if he's enjoying seeing her hurt, frustrated and angry that is wrong and I tell him that and ask him, "Would you like it if I...(did something he didn't like to make him unhappy) and how would that make you feel?" Then I say something like, "God's Word says...(whatever relates to the situation) and I know that you want to do the right thing. You need to stay in your room and think about it and you may come out when you are willing give her a sincere apology and are willing to play nice and be loving and kind to your sister." Sometimes he stays in there for a few minutes but usually he is ready to come out right away and apologize and this little calm discussion takes care of the problem. I have had this discussion and can often see on his face this look of conviction and sorrow for what he has done. I'm not trying to heap guilt on him- just get him to look at how God wants us to relate toward others and help him to turn around and go God's way when he is choosing not to. I can really see these little teachable moments making a difference in the way the kids relate to one another. By the way...we make them say "(name), I'm sorry for (the offense." and then we make the other person say, "I forgive you." Modeling the words we want them to say because we think this is an important skill for them to learn- apologizing and giving forgiveness!
As far as dealing with bullies outside of the family- this is trickier. The most frustrating thing to me is when there is an offense and the other parent is right there witnessing it and doesn't do a thing!!! Frustrating!! Right in the situation I will model for my own kids what they need to say and then make them say it to the child. Like, "You need to give that toy back to me because I was playing with it. You can have it when I am done." or "Don't pull on me. I don't like it." and then have him walk away and find another place to play. One time I stood up to a bully after numerous attempts at doing mean things to my kids and right in front of the oblivious parent I told the kid "It's not nice to...(whatever the offense) and you can not do that anymore to the kids here." in a very firm voice. He left everyone alone after that and I was later given many thanks from moms who were sick of seeing this kid bully the others. So sometimes I think the parent needs to step in if other things aren't working.
Wooo- that was a long response!! Hope you don't mind!
Nicole and Amy -- Thank you both for your advice! I'm grateful for the verses to use, and it's great to hear how another mom has handled bullying with her own kids and someone else's! Thank you!
I'd love advice...my 20 month old is, and has been since he was 13-14 months old, a bully...he'll push other kids down (he's usually only around those his age), and most recently, he's taken to biting other children. I'm beside myself in that behavior...I hate it! I deal with it right away (when I am there, last week he bit a girl in the nursery at church) - and I know if I don't deal with it right away, it doesn't click that he's being disciplined for that action. I'm kinda scared about what will happen when number two arrives in January...I hope the biting is over! I know it's a phase that many children go through, I just wish it wasn't my child. Any ideas on how to break him of being a biter?
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