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3 comments:
I'd really like some help/advice/opinions/suggestions here! Am I expecting too much of my kids (almost 5, 3, 1) that they should already be able to work things out on their own?
For awhile, we dealt with the kids fighting over toys by having them ask each other 3 questions: May I have that? May I share with you? May I have it when you're done? It worked GLORIOUSLY, for a few months even. The current holder-of-the-toy could answer "Yes" or "No, thank you" to the first 2 questions. But the answer to the 3rd question was always "yes." I think the kids figured out, though, that asking the questions didn't always result in what they wanted -- getting the toy -- so they resorted to fighting once again.
Usually, the kids are really good about playing together. Should I just stick with the 3 questions rule and make sure to be consistent with it?
Also, do you have any rule or way of dealing with someone's new toys? Is the toy untouchable by the others for a certain period of time?
We do not have any set rule about this at our house and I wish I could come up with a really good one or find something that works, because hearing my kids fight about stuff and not stepping in to make it all better makes my insides turn. I like your idea of asking one of those three questions and I think we'll try that more. I usually model for them to ask ,"Could I please use that when you are done?" but I have one who will ask that 50 times and the other won't respond. When they do it right it works great, but it doesn't always happen. I'm looking for ideas so please post! :)
I try as hard as I can not to get involved in their squabbles- I usually say when the tattler comes, "Have you talked to him/her about that yet?" Which is good, but a 5,4, 2 year old don't quite have the communication skills yet to work it out all the way!
I really like your idea Amy about the tattling. We haven't gotten into much tattling yet, and the stuff we've encountered usually deals with safety issues, and isn't really tattling--but I bet it will be shortly!
If I hear the kids fighting I usually watch from a distance and enjoy seeing how they work it out. If they can't seem to, or resort to screaming, crying, or hitting, like with "the mower"--their favorite toy, we go back to the good old kitchen timer. 5 minutes for one, then they have to pass it off (with a good attitude if they want to avoid time out) and we reset the timer.
Funny thing with this though, is how many times I notice them sharing the toys anyways just becuase the timer is set.... it seems like good 3 year old logic that "if I can't have the WHOLE toy RIGHT NOW that at least I can touch it without making him scream if I share it." Works for us.
I do try to encourage the communication though, and look for those teachable moments, like when I can use a Bible story or ask "what would Jesus want you to do?" But at this point, it's not so much focused on working it out with the other person so much as it is about practicing their own self control and being able to simply use their words rather than have a fit. We use the "big words" a lot like respect, self control, gentelness, polite, generous, etc.
Every week it seems to get a little better. I think it's something that will come with age if we are consistent. I try not to regulate too much, because for my purposes, it's not about the toy, it's about the heart of the kid having or wanting it. I think they will learn to see that if we stay consistent, promote some communication, and require self control.
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